Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #409 · 2026-11-01

Rhys Voss
of Fennimore Gate Repair Services

a twice-yearly hedge trim that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 409: Rhys Voss of Fennimore Gate Repair Services, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, line blamed, exit taken

“Caller blamed the line; Bernard blamed his glasses, the squirrel and a folded corner, and never once said no.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Rhys Voss Hello there, Rhys Voss here from Fennimore Gate Repair Services — brilliant to catch you, I'm just ringing about your hedge.
Bernard Oh, hello! Fennimore Gate, yes, I know the gate — well, I know the road, anyway. Sorry, I've put my glasses down somewhere, could you say the first bit again? About the hedge, was it?
Rhys Voss That's totally fine, absolutely no trouble at all. The twice-yearly trim simply turns up unbidden as a courtesy, so you never have to remember a thing.
Bernard Unbidden, you say? Well, now, I had an uncle who was a bit unbidden, turned up for Christmas without a word. Does the trim come on a set day, or does it just... let itself in?
Rhys Voss Ha, that's a good one! Nobody agreed to it, I know, and that's exactly the thing — your hedge is in such lovely shape it hardly needs asking permission.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, and it is a handsome hedge, I'll say that. Now you mention it, does it want doing in the spring or the back end? I'd hate it to catch a cold.
Rhys Voss Wonderful, so that's the spring visit then — shall I put you down for it?
Bernard Oh, well, I'd have to think about it. Hang on a moment, there's a squirrel on the feeder again and he's very determined. What was the visit for, now?
Rhys Voss Right, so about the spring one — could I put you down for it?
Bernard You could put me down, yes, though I should say I've a phone book here with the corner folded down, and I've clean forgotten what I folded it for. Was it the spring or the autumn, do you think?
Rhys Voss I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open warm, mentioning Fennimore Gate Repair and the neighbourhood.
  2. Explain the twice-yearly trim turns up unbidden as a courtesy.
  3. Handle the objection that nobody agreed to it by praising the hedge's health.
  4. Ask for the yes to put them down for the spring visit.

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