Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #408 · 2026-11-01

Nigel Mabbs
of Wrentlow Holdings

an upgrade to a clothesline you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
14%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 408: Nigel Mabbs of Wrentlow Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller withdrew under own steam

“Caller asked twice for the name on the line; Bernard gave it, then gave him the bird, the knee and the sister's Christmas.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Nigel Mabbs Nigel Mabbs, Wrentlow Holdings. I'm calling because your clothesline now qualifies for an upgrade you didn't know you were due.
Bernard Oh, is it raining where you are? I've been watching the window all morning and it can't make up its mind. A clothesline, you say — well, that's very good of you. I didn't know I had one.
Nigel Mabbs Not raining here, Bernard. And that's the great thing about a clothesline you didn't know about — it's in fine condition and it qualifies anyway. So the upgrade is ready whenever you are.
Bernard In fine condition and all. Now, would this thing need feeding, do you think? Only I had a wasp in the kitchen window yesterday and I've gone quite careful about little things that turn up unannounced.
Nigel Mabbs Nothing to feed, Bernard, it just sits there. Your line stays put, and this only adds a bit of tension to it.
Bernard Adds tension. Well, that sounds like my knee, if I'm honest. Now then — is there a colour, or do they all come the same? I only ask because of the bird.
Nigel Mabbs The bird won't mind a bit, Bernard. So shall I put your name on it and get it sorted?
Bernard Oh, put my name on it, that's kind. Well, I'd have to think about it — I'm very interested, mind, I really am. Give me a moment to find my glasses and I'll look at the line properly.
Nigel Mabbs Take your time, Bernard, you're clearly a careful man and I respect that. While you're up, I'll just confirm — the name on the line is Pottle, yes?
Bernard Pottle, that's right. Though I tell you what, my sister always says it's her turn to host Christmas and I'm not sure that's true at all.
Nigel Mabbs I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you're speaking with the holder of the Wrentlow Holdings clothesline.
  2. Explain the clothesline they didn't know they owned now qualifies for an upgrade.
  3. Reassure them the existing line stays, the upgrade just adds tension.
  4. Ask if they'll approve the upgrade to their unnoticed clothesline today.

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