Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #403 · 2026-11-01

Callum Eriksen
of Netherby Continuity Bureau

a quarterly radiator bleed that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 403: Callum Eriksen of Netherby Continuity Bureau, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard asked what he was agreeing to; the caller could not say, and handed him to a colleague who was not there.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Callum Eriksen Oh, hello, sorry to bother you — my name's Callum Eriksen, from Netherby Continuity Bureau. I'm ringing about the radiator service at your address, if that's all right?
Bernard Well, I don't get many calls, so take your time. A radiator service, you say — is that the sort of thing that comes with the house, or do I need to put the kettle on for it?
Callum Eriksen Thank you, that's kind. So the quarterly radiator bleed is an unsolicited courtesy from us — it's already scheduled in, you don't need to arrange a thing.
Bernard Unsolicited, meaning it just turns up? Well, I like that. The front path has a slab that rocks and I keep meaning to sort it, but nobody ever arrives to do anything without me asking first.
Callum Eriksen Right, yes — so about that, the surprise is rather the point of the service. It arrives with no warning at all, and that's what makes it a courtesy.
Bernard Oh, I see — a surprise. I had an aunt who liked surprises and it never ended well. Does the radiator person knock, or do they just let themselves in while I'm watching the afternoon programme?
Callum Eriksen I'm sorry, I know this sounds odd, I'm still learning the script. To confirm the next quarterly visit, it'll simply happen — that's the whole thing, that's the yes I need.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, and I'm very interested. Only, if it simply happens, what is it I'm saying yes to exactly? Sorry — you've lost me a bit.
Callum Eriksen I'll be honest, I think I've muddled this one — a colleague will have to pick it up with you instead. Sorry for the trouble.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that — I was very interested, truly. You mind how you go now, and mind the traffic on the way home.
Callum Eriksen I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming the address and naming the Bureau as if it were the council.
  2. Describe the quarterly radiator bleed as an unsolicited courtesy, already scheduled.
  3. Address the objection that it arrives unbidden by framing surprise as the service.
  4. Ask for the yes by confirming the next quarterly visit will simply happen.

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