Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #401 · 2026-11-01

Denise Tallentire
of The National Council of Licensed Airing Cupboard Examiners

a twice-yearly loft dust subscription that renews itself · renewing subscription

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 401: Denise Tallentire of The National Council of Licensed Airing Cupboard Examiners, 15 minutes.

Save the card

The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller stood down

“Mr Pottle asked whether the examiner brings their own tea and whether the renewal would be quieter than the fridge; caller declined to compare and rang off.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Denise Tallentire Denise Tallentire, National Council of Licensed Airing Cupboard Examiners. This is about the loft dust on your account.
Bernard Oh, hold on, let me turn the radio down — that's better. The loft dust, you say. Well, I'm very interested, only you'll have to remind me what it is I'm meant to be doing with it.
Denise Tallentire Right. Twice a year we measure the loft dust, and the subscription renews itself so you never have to think about it again.
Bernard Twice a year — and it renews itself, you say. Well, that's very good of it. Now would that be the dust that comes down the loft ladder of its own accord, or does somebody have to fetch it?
Denise Tallentire The examiner fetches it. That's the point — the visit happens regardless, so the dust gets seen to without you lifting a finger.
Bernard Without lifting a finger, that's the bit I like. I've a shoulder that plays up in the damp. And this examiner — would they want tea when they come, or do they bring their own?
Denise Tallentire Honestly, I've no idea what they drink. Can I put you down for the yearly arrangement, renewing quietly in the background?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, but it does sound tidy. Now — quietly in the background, you said. Would that be quieter than the fridge? Because the fridge in this house is not quiet, I'll tell you that.
Denise Tallentire I couldn't possibly compare it to a fridge. Look, I've been at this all day and I'm not getting anywhere. I'll try you again another time, Mr Pottle.
Bernard Well, I'm sorry to hear that — you sound tired, and I was very interested, truly. You get yourself home and mind the traffic. Goodbye now.
Denise Tallentire I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the loft dust account holder at the registered address.
  2. Explain the twice-yearly loft dust subscription and the convenience of automatic renewal.
  3. Address renewal objection: the examiner visits anyway, so dust is certified without prompting.
  4. Ask for the yes to enrol and let the subscription renew itself unnoticed.

Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →