Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #400 · 2026-11-01

Brenda Underhill
of Hollinsgrove Dwelling Bureau

an upgrade to a hedge you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 400: Brenda Underhill of Hollinsgrove Dwelling Bureau, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller hung up on himself

“Bernard offered to think about a hedge he could not find; caller cited his own paperwork as proof and then claimed a bad line.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Brenda Underhill Hello, this is Brenda Underhill from Hollinsgrove Dwelling Bureau — I'm ringing to confirm I'm speaking with the householder at the property, by name, before anything else proceeds.
Bernard Oh, hello — yes, that's me, Bernard Pottle, you've got the right house. And are you warm enough where you're sitting? It's turned bitter out.
Brenda Underhill That's very kind, Mr Pottle, but warmth isn't something I'm able to log. Under policy, the Bureau has recorded a hedge on your boundary and it now requires upgrading — that's the reason for my call.
Bernard A hedge, you say? Well, now, I've been out in that garden all morning and I can't say I've noticed one. What sort of a hedge is it, does it want much looking after?
Brenda Underhill Well, you say you've not spotted it, but our own paperwork lists it plain enough for anyone to read. So if I can just have your approval —
Bernard Oh, the paperwork. Well, if it's in the writing I'm sure it's there and I've just not had my glasses on. Hold on, let me look at the back step — it's lower than it looks, that step.
Brenda Underhill Mr Pottle, the survey closes shortly, so may I have your approval for the upgrade now?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, that's a big thing to agree to down the phone. If I went for it, would it be a tidy little thing or one of those that needs trimming every week?
Brenda Underhill Honestly, Mr Pottle, I've a laminated sheet here and three pens, and I still couldn't tell you what the hedge looks like. I'll... thank you for your time, that's the
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, truly I am — you sounded like you were doing your best with it, and I was very interested. You take care getting home, mind the traffic.
Brenda Underhill Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you are the householder at the property, by name.
  2. Explain the Bureau has logged a hedge on their boundary and it needs upgrading.
  3. Address the objection that they have no hedge by citing the Bureau's own records.
  4. Ask them to approve the hedge upgrade now, before the survey closes.

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