Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #391 · 2026-11-01

Rodney Palgrave
of Marchwold Group Holdings

a membership with no refunds and no cover · membership

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 391: Rodney Palgrave of Marchwold Group Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Caller withdrew the offer before Bernard could decline it; Bernard apologised for the loss and mentioned the birds.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Rodney Palgrave Hello there, Rodney Palgrave, Marchwold Group Holdings. I'm ringing to ask how your locality stands among its neighbouring holdings, since that's the first thing on my sheet.
Bernard Oh, hello. Now, is that the front door or the back door you're at? Only I've got one of each and they're very different. Sorry, go on — how what stands among the what?
Rodney Palgrave I think you'll find it's neither door, as I'm on the telephone. To be clear, your local standing among neighbouring holdings is simply a warm-up question on my sheet — the substance is the membership, which confers nothing whatsoever except considerable prestige.
Bernard Ah, so it's the telephone. Well, I'm glad of it. Prestige, you say — that does sound nice. Does it come with anything to look at, or is it more of a feeling?
Rodney Palgrave Honestly, the no-refunds clause is beneath a Group of your stature, so we needn't dwell on it.
Bernard No, no, quite right, we won't dwell. I'd have to think about it anyway. My chimney pot's got birds in it just now — do you think the membership would mind that?
Rodney Palgrave So will you take it today, on the strength of the name alone? Just a yes, that's all I need.
Bernard Oh, that's very good of you to ask. Yes, I'm very interested — now, what was the name again? I've gone and left my glasses in the hall, you see.
Rodney Palgrave Look, I'm going to be straight with you — this one isn't going to happen, is it. Sorry to have troubled you.
Bernard Well, I'm sorry to hear that, I really was very interested. You mind how you go now, and mind that traffic.
Rodney Palgrave Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by asking after the locality's standing among neighbouring holdings.
  2. Describe the membership as conferring nothing but considerable prestige.
  3. Dismiss the no-refunds point as beneath a Group of your stature.
  4. Ask if they will take the membership on prestige alone, today.

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