Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #388 · 2026-10-31

Euan Munt
of Marchwold Holdings

a replacement for a drain that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 388: Euan Munt of Marchwold Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller stood down

“Caller lost his place in the list and blamed the line; Bernard offered him a seat and a rest, and the drain remains unreplaced and uncomplaining.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Euan Munt Euan Munt, Marchwold Holdings. We're calling about the drainage at your site, and we'll be quick.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, I'd quite forgotten anyone was looking at the drains. Now, are you warm enough where you're sitting? Because there's a nip in the air here and I'd hate you to be cold.
Euan Munt That's kind of you to ask, but the whole floor's well wrapped up, we look after each other since Monday. What we're offering is genuinely great news, though: future-proofing your drain against a failure that hasn't happened yet.
Bernard Future-proofing, is it? That does sound sensible. We had something like that done to the shed roof and, well, the bucket's still under it, so I'm not entirely sure how it works. What does the drain actually do, in the new version?
Euan Munt Ah, well, that's the thing, the drain doing its job is precisely the... it's working fine, you say, and that's exactly the warning sign we look for. A drain that's not complaining is a drain we worry about.
Bernard Oh, I see. So a quiet drain is a worrying one. My late wife would have said the same about me, and I'm still here. What would a replacement look like, when it arrives? Would it need anything done to it, or does it just sit there?
Euan Munt I'm afraid I've rather lost my place in the list. What I can say is we'd escalate it as a kindness, no fuss. So, just to confirm, can we get approval to schedule the non-urgent replacement?
Bernard You've lost your place, have you? Don't worry, I lose mine constantly, usually mid-sentence. Now then, approval — I'd have to think about it. Would I need to be in for it, or does it let itself in?
Euan Munt I'll be honest with you, Bernard, I don't think I've run a single call properly since they made me team leader on Monday. It's the line and the hour, the whole floor's the same, and I'm not getting anywhere, so I'll leave you to it.
Bernard Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Euan, I really am — I was very interested and it's been a treat. You go and put your feet up, and mind the traffic on the way home.
Euan Munt I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by asking after the drainage at the Marchwold Holdings site.
  2. Describe the replacement drain as future-proofing against a failure not yet occurring.
  3. Dismiss the objection that the drain is working fine as exactly the warning sign.
  4. Ask for approval to schedule the non-urgent drain replacement.

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