Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #379 · 2026-10-31

Sione Munt
of Mowbray, Iyer and Tallentire Chimney Sweeping Partnership

a bundle of a manhole cover and a folding chair · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 379: Sione Munt of Mowbray, Iyer and Tallentire Chimney Sweeping Partnership, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller hung up on himself

“Bernard asked whether the folding chair would want feeding; caller asked if he could put him down for the bundle; nobody was put down for anything.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Sione Munt Sione Munt, Mowbray, Iyer and Tallentire Chimney Sweeping Partnership. I'm ringing about your building's basement access, if you could just tell me what that looks like.
Bernard Oh, you're very clear, I'll say that for you. Basement access... well now, I'd have to go and look, wouldn't I. There's notices pinned up in the porch about something or other — I keep meaning to read them properly. Is it the cellar you're after, or the coal hole?
Sione Munt Either's fine, sir, the cover fits both. Now, the arrangement itself — one manhole cover and one folding chair, sold as a single indivisible bundle. You don't get to pick.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, bundling it all up like that. And the chair folds, does it? Would it want feeding, do you think, or is it the sort that looks after itself?
Sione Munt Chair folds, yes. I know what you're going to say — you've already got a cover and a chair sitting there separately — but those are two things, and this is one thing.
Bernard Ah, that's a clever way of putting it. Two things that are secretly one thing. Did you have a long drive getting to me? Only the traffic on the bypass is dreadful at this hour, I always say so.
Sione Munt Long drive, yes. So shall I put you down for the bundle? The chair earns its keep while the cover goes in.
Bernard I'm very interested, I really am. Now — is it the sort of thing I'd keep in the hall, or would it want to be somewhere warmer? I'd have to think about it, but yes, put me down as thinking about it.
Sione Munt Honestly, I've said this same thing eleven thousand times and it's only Tuesday. I'll just mark you down as thinking about that bundle and—
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, I am. I was very interested, truly. You go on now, and mind how you go.
Sione Munt Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by naming the partnership and asking after the building's basement access.
  2. Present the bundled manhole cover and folding chair as one indivisible arrangement.
  3. Address the objection that they already own a cover and a chair separately.
  4. Ask for the order, noting the chair's usefulness during the cover's installation.

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