Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #380 · 2026-10-31

Kirsty Wainwright
of Chaudhry Loft Ladders and Son

a replacement for a clothesline that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
62%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 380: Kirsty Wainwright of Chaudhry Loft Ladders and Son, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no measurement, kettle declined

“Caller quoted policy four-two, then admitted it was the wrong entry; Bernard asked whether the new line comes in green, like the old one against the hedge.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Kirsty Wainwright Kirsty Wainwright, Chaudhry Loft Ladders and Son. There's an old clothesline visible from the road at your property, and I'd like a word about it.
Bernard Oh, the clothesline, yes. I thought you might be the man about the gutters, but never mind. She's been out there a fair while, that line — I can see her from the kitchen window. Very good of you to notice her.
Kirsty Wainwright Not the gutters, no — and it's Kirsty, actually, not a man. The replacement we're offering is the loft-ladder-tough rotary line, which is an upgrade rather than a repair, as set out in policy four-two.
Bernard Policy four-two, right you are. Now — loft-ladder-tough, is it? Does it come in green at all? Only my old one's a sort of faded green and I've got used to it against the hedge.
Kirsty Wainwright Dear me, I've read you the wrong entry off my sheet. The point stands though — that line's getting on, and it's had a lifetime of weather across it.
Bernard Oh, she's had the weather all right. But she still holds a full wash, I'll say that for her. How old would a line have to be before it counts as getting on? I've never known.
Kirsty Wainwright Then let's not fuss over the wording — it still works, I grant you. May I come and measure the garden this week, yes or no?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it — I don't like to be hasty. Tell you what, is it a big job, the measuring? I could put the kettle on while you're at it.
Kirsty Wainwright I'll leave it there for now — I'm clearly not getting anywhere today. I'll give you another try some day soon.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I was very interested, truly. Well, you mind how you go now.
Kirsty Wainwright I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and mention the old clothesline visible from the road.
  2. Explain the new loft-ladder-tough rotary line, framed as an upgrade, not a repair.
  3. Concede the current line works fine, then stress its silent age and wind strain.
  4. Ask for the go-ahead to measure the garden for a replacement this week.

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