Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #378 · 2026-10-31

Rhys Tetley
of The Netherby Trust

an upgrade to the stair carpet you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
14%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 378: Rhys Tetley of The Netherby Trust, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller exited via own script

“Bernard offered the caller lunch and a biscuit of interest; caller lost his place and left Bernard to his afternoon.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Rhys Tetley Hi, sorry to bother you, Rhys from The Netherby Trust — it's about the stair carpet on our file for your address, just checking the stairs?
Bernard Oh, hello there. Have you had your lunch? I only ask because I've just had a bit of toast and I don't like eating alone. Now — stairs, you said? I've got the one set, up to the landing, but I'd have to think about what's on them.
Rhys Tetley Oh, that's — sorry, toast sounds nice, actually. Right, so The Netherby Trust has already logged your carpet for upgrade, that's the thing, it's all in the system already.
Bernard Logged it, have they? Well, that's good of somebody. I don't remember logging a thing, mind, but then I don't remember much. Is it a nice carpet, this one?
Rhys Tetley That's — yes, I get that a lot, and it's because it was catalogued without you being told, so you wouldn't have known. Does that make sense? Sorry, I'm reading this a bit fast.
Bernard Catalogued without me knowing, well, there's a thing. Like when the milk float comes and I've not ordered a thing and there's a bottle on the step. You take your time, I'm not going anywhere.
Rhys Tetley That's very kind, thank you. So if I could just get a yes from you to put the upgrade visit in the diary, that's really all I need — sorry, is that all right?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about a visit. Would they need to come up the landing? Only the garden gate sticks in the wet and I'd have to sort that before anyone gets through.
Rhys Tetley Honestly, I've completely lost my place in this — I'll leave you to your afternoon.
Bernard Oh, that's a shame. I'm sorry to hear that — I really was very interested, you know. Mind how you go now, and take care on the road.
Rhys Tetley Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming the address and the stairs you have on file.
  2. Explain the trust has already logged their stair carpet for upgrade.
  3. Address the objection that they have no stair carpet: it was catalogued unknown to them.
  4. Ask for the yes to schedule the upgrade visit.

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