Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #376 · 2026-10-31

Petra Jankowski
of Kinsey Wall Coatings Ltd

an annual inspection of a clothesline you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
6%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 376: Petra Jankowski of Kinsey Wall Coatings Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no line, caller opted for post

“Bernard asked whether the line comes in green; Petra said she had no idea and would not find out.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Petra Jankowski Petra Jankowski, Kinsey Wall Coatings. Calling about the annual clothesline inspection.
Bernard Hold on, let me turn the radio down. There, that's better. Now, Kinsey Wall Coatings — is that the one with the little yellow logo? I'm very interested, go on, what was it about the line again?
Petra Jankowski The inspection covers wear, tension and line integrity on the line registered to your address. That's the whole thing.
Bernard Wear and tension, right. And that's on the washing line, is it? Because I'll be honest, I don't recall ever having one put up here. Mind you, I don't recall a lot of things. What does an inspection cost these days — imaginary money, I assume?
Petra Jankowski Yes, people say that a lot — never used it, never found it, might not exist. We can still inspect where it ought to be. Shall I put you down for this year's approval?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. Where ought it to be, exactly — over the back door, near the gutter? I only ask because that gutter drips something dreadful and I'd hate the line to get a soaking.
Petra Jankowski Honestly, I couldn't tell you where it ought to be, the records just say registered. Look, do I put you down for the approval or not?
Bernard Oh, that's very good of you to ask. Put me down as interested, would you, and ring back when you've found the records — I'll make us both a cup of tea while I wait. Does it come in green, this line?
Petra Jankowski No idea, and I'm not going to find out. I'll put it in writing instead and you can do what you like with it.
Bernard Sorry to hear that, you've sounded a bit worn down — I was very interested, truly. You go on then, and mind the traffic on the way home.
Petra Jankowski I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and Kinsey Wall Coatings, mention the annual clothesline inspection.
  2. Explain the inspection covers wear, tension and line integrity on their registered line.
  3. Address the objection that they have never used or located a clothesline.
  4. Ask them to approve this year's inspection and confirm the annual renewal.

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