Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #371 · 2026-10-31

Marion Underhill
of Pratt and Sons, est. 1962

a membership with no meetings and no refunds · membership

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
9%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 371: Marion Underhill of Pratt and Sons, est. 1962, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no name, no roll, caller exited

“Bernard offered the caller tea and asked whether emptiness came in a colour; the caller declined both and put the phone down.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Marion Underhill Marion Underhill here, Pratt and Sons, established 1962 — family standing you can set your watch by. I'm ringing about a membership that asks nothing of you, Bernard.
Bernard Well, I was just thinking about something else entirely. Start again — no, don't, I've got you now. Pratt and Sons, you said. Sixty-two, that's a good long while. Would you like a cup of tea while you're at it?
Marion Underhill That's very good of you, Bernard, but I'm on the phone so I'll decline. The membership, now — picture a club with no gatherings at all, nothing to attend, nothing to do.
Bernard Nothing to do and nothing to attend. Well, that sounds restful, I must say. So what do I owe you for a club where I don't go anywhere?
Marion Underhill There's nothing in it, Bernard, and that's the whole point — the emptiness is what you're paying for. It's pure standing, nothing to clutter it up.
Bernard Ha, the emptiness. That's clever, that is. Now, hold on, my glasses have got loose again — is it emptiness that comes in a colour at all?
Marion Underhill Not in a colour, no. Listen, Bernard, I just need the family firm's name as it should appear on the roll — that's the last thing and we're done.
Bernard On the roll, right. Let me find a pen — is it the same name as what's above the door, or do you spell it out for me?
Marion Underhill Spell it out if you like, Bernard, I'll take it either way. Same as above the door is perfectly fine.
Bernard Right you are. Then it goes down just as it sounds. Now — I'd best not keep you, you've been very good to ring a fellow up.
Marion Underhill Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by invoking Pratt and Sons' founding year and family standing.
  2. Describe the membership: no meetings, no benefits, prestige only.
  3. Dismiss the objection that nothing is included as the point.
  4. Ask Marion to confirm the family firm's name on the roll.

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