Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #37 · 2026-10-20

Deborah Quist
of Fenwick Row Habitation Endorsements

a ceremonial lint mitt · fabric maintenance

24
Minutes on the line
41%
Will to live
12
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, one hand, door may not open

“Caller confirmed colour is a raffle, delivery uncertain, and the customer offered the shed door as mitigating evidence.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Deborah Quist Good afternoon, this is Deborah Quist calling from Fenwick Row Habitation Endorsements. I'll be quick — I'm following up on your quarterly habitation record, if that's quite all right.
Bernard Oh — well, now, that's very good of you. Deborah, is it? I was just at the window watching next door's cat, bold as brass, and I said to Mavis, someone'll ring today, I can feel it. Quarter of what, sorry?
Deborah Quist Quarterly, Mr Pottle — that's the quarter. I just need to ask whether your lint has been formally acknowledged this quarter, one quick question and I'm out of your hair.
Bernard My lint? Oh, I've got plenty of that, it's the parrot mostly — feathers and fluff everywhere. Is there a form, or do I just say yes? And are you warm enough out there, only it's turned bitter.
Deborah Quist That's lovely of you, and yes, I'm warm enough, thank you. Now, the mitt — it's ceremonial, I should say that plainly, entirely unwashable, and mildly scented. Can I put you down as acknowledging, just to confirm?
Bernard Unwashable — right you are. Mildly scented of what, though? Because Mavis is fussy about smells, she won't have a thing in the house that's too perfumy. Oh — and does the parrot count as a form of quarantine, or would the mitt mind her?
Deborah Quist Mildly scented, that's the official wording — I'm not permitted to say of what. And the mitt fits only one hand, I should add, and no known appliance, so the parrot's quite safe from it.
Bernard One hand, well that's sensible, I've only the one that's any good since the shed door. So it's a bit like a glove, then, but ceremonial — would it do for church? I keep meaning to go back, and a nice green would suit me.
Deborah Quist Oh, you didn't choose green, I'm afraid — the trial mitt comes in a colour we pick, that's rather the point of it. But it is a trial, so it's no cost to you at all, not a penny.
Bernard No cost at all, that's very decent. Now the colour they pick — do they pick the same for everyone, or is it more of a raffle? Only I once won a raffle at the fete and got a hat that didn't suit me one bit.
Deborah Quist More of a raffle, yes — I'll say raffle. So that just leaves delivery, but the catch is the door it arrives at may not open, and that's on the form, so I do need a yes on record.
Bernard A door that may not open — well, the back one's swollen with the damp, you'd need to lean on it. So do I say yes to the raffle, then? And will it come before or after the kettle's boiled?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and the habitation endorsements line.
  2. Ask whether their lint has been formally acknowledged this quarter.
  3. Describe the mitt as ceremonial, unwashable, and mildly scented.
  4. Clarify it fits only one hand and no known appliance.
  5. Offer a trial mitt in a colour they did not choose.
  6. Close by confirming delivery to a door that may not open.

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