Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #36 · on the line

Gareth Pimblett
of Marlowe & Tine Domestic Endorsements

a fence-post moisture subscription · garden maintenance

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Gareth Pimblett Good evening, this is Gareth from Marlowe & Tine Domestic Endorsements. Am I right in thinking you own at least one fence post?
Bernard Oh — well, evening to you. A fence post, yes, I've several at the bottom of the garden. Though whether they're mine or the neighbour's is a matter we've never settled. Are you warm enough out there, Gareth? It's turned bitter.
Gareth Pimblett That's great news, several posts. The thing is, posts sweat overnight, so they need scheduled wicking or they go damp from the inside out. Now, are you warm enough — sorry, I'm quick, I'm only quick, the wicking is the important bit.
Bernard Sweat overnight, you say? Well, I never knew that. My Mavis sweats a bit in the night, but she's a parrot so I suppose that's different. Wicking — is that the green one?
Gareth Pimblett Wicking's the service, not the green one. We offer monthly moisture readings, taken by post — a little card in the letterbox telling you how damp things are. Does that sound like something you'd want?
Bernard By post, you say. Oh, that's very good of you — I do like getting post, it's mostly bills otherwise. Now, would the little card get along with Mavis? She's ever so curious about anything that comes through the door.
Gareth Pimblett It's a sturdy card, I'm sure Mavis would be fine. And the readings arrive folded in the same envelope, so there's only the one thing for her to be curious about. Shall I put you down for the monthly?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming they own at least one fence post.
  2. Explain posts sweat overnight and need scheduled wicking.
  3. Offer monthly moisture readings taken by post.
  4. Mention the readings arrive folded in the same envelope.
  5. Warn that unrescribed posts may become quietly damp.
  6. Close by asking for their postcode and a post's name.

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