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Call #368 · 2026-10-31

Raymond Chaudhry
of Colesworth Loft Ladders and Son

a seasonal radiator bleed that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no permission, caller resigned to colleague

“Bernard offered the caller a cloth, a cup of tea and a step warning; caller escalated to the floor instead.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Raymond Chaudhry Hello there, Raymond Chaudhry here, Colesworth Loft Ladders and Son — and I've just been made team leader, so you're in good hands. We're ringing about your seasonal radiator bleed.
Bernard Oh, well, congratulations on that — team leader, that's very good going. Now, a radiator bleed, is that the one where the water comes out the little valve and you need a cloth? Because I've got a cloth.
Raymond Chaudhry That's the one, yes — and we're delighted about Monday, thank you. The seasonal radiator bleed is a courtesy visit, and the lovely thing is it arrives unbidden, so you don't have to do a thing.
Bernard Unbidden, right you are. It's the same with the squirrel — arrives entirely unbidden, has the bird food, off he goes. Is that what your radiator arrangement does, then, turns up whether it's wanted?
Raymond Chaudhry Well — we don't ask you to lift a finger, which is the neighbourly part, isn't it, us coming to you. And if it helps, I can escalate that to the floor for a second opinion.
Bernard Neighbourly, yes, very good of you. But the floor — is there a floor? I thought it was a bleed, not a floor. You'll have to say that bit again.
Raymond Chaudhry Let me get us back on track. All we need is your yes — permission for us to turn up and bleed the radiators.
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. Would they come round the back or the front? Only the front path's got a bit of a step. And would they want a cup of tea when they're done?
Raymond Chaudhry I'll be honest, Bernard, I don't think I'm the one to sort this. A colleague will take it from here.
Bernard Well, I'm sorry to hear that, I was very interested. You take care now, and mind how you go.
Raymond Chaudhry I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you are through to the right household, warmly.
  2. Explain the seasonal radiator bleed as a courtesy visit that arrives unbidden.
  3. Brush off the objection that they never asked for it, calling it neighbourly.
  4. Ask for the yes: permission to turn up and bleed the radiators.

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