Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #367 · 2026-10-31

Denise Peckham
of Meek Brothers, est. 1936

a certificate confirming a fridge is free of loft dust · certification

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
9%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 367: Denise Peckham of Meek Brothers, est. 1936, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, glasses unaccounted for

“Bernard asked whether the certificate comes in green; the caller checked the sheet and confirmed that it does not.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Denise Peckham Hello, this is Denise Peckham calling from Meek Brothers, established 1936 — that's in our printed history, page two — and I'm ringing about your fridge certificate.
Bernard Oh, 1936, that's a good long while ago. Now, I'm very interested. What was it again about the fridge?
Denise Peckham Lovely, glad you're interested. So the loft-dust-free fridge certificate is a document that verifies your fridge has been assessed and found clear of loft dust.
Bernard Loft dust, is it. Well, my fridge has never been up a loft, I don't think. It's been in the kitchen since I got it. Would it need anything doing to it, or is it just the paperwork?
Denise Peckham Now, our sheet says under policy forty-one that the fridge being nowhere near a loft is fine — the certificate just gives you reassurance. It's purely the paperwork, nothing done to the fridge itself.
Bernard Reassurance is worth a lot these days, I don't mind telling you. Now, would this certificate need renewing, or does it last? And does it come in green?
Denise Peckham That's policy forty-one, subsection B — renewal isn't covered on my sheet, so I'll note it. The green isn't on the sheet either, I'm afraid.
Bernard That's all right, I was only wondering. Now, you said you'd like me to approve it for your records — what would I have to do, exactly? I've got my glasses somewhere.
Denise Peckham So if you could just say yes for the file, I'll mark the loft-dust-free fridge certificate approved.
Bernard Well, I'd have to have a proper think about it, if you don't mind. My glasses have gone and wandered off again, and I like to read a thing before I say yes to it.
Denise Peckham I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by mentioning Meek Brothers and its founding year, 1936.
  2. Explain the loft-dust-free fridge certificate and what it confirms.
  3. Concede the fridge was never near a loft, then stress the reassurance.
  4. Ask Denise to approve the certificate for the firm's records.

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