Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #365 · 2026-10-31

Morag Yelland
of The Sanderby Hatch Trust

a replacement for a conservatory roof that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
14%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 365: Morag Yelland of The Sanderby Hatch Trust, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller lost his place and then the line

“Bernard asked whether the roof wanted feeding; the caller asked to start again from the top, and then reported losing the signal.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Morag Yelland Hello, it's Morag Yelland from The Sanderby Hatch Trust — is that the household with the conservatory? I'm ringing about its roof, if I may.
Bernard Oh, hello Morag. Yes, that's me, that's the house. I don't get many calls, so take your time. Now, the conservatory roof — is that the glassy bit over the back, or the other one?
Morag Yelland That's the one, the glassy bit over the back, lovely. And it's intact at the moment, is it? Just so I can say it plainly, we replace unbroken roofs proactively, before any future breakage spoils them.
Bernard Intact, yes, as far as I know. Though I stood on the back step the other day and it's lower than it looks, so I'm not the steadiest judge of a roof. And you say bounce, or breakage, sorry?
Morag Yelland Brilliant, thank you, that's all I needed. And an unbent roof is exactly when replacement does its clearest work, funnily enough — that's the bit people find surprising.
Bernard Well, that is surprising, I'd never have thought it. Now, a roof that's unbent — would it want feeding at all, or is it the sort that looks after itself? Only my neighbour's is always having something done to it.
Morag Yelland Ha, no feeding needed, that's a good one. So just to confirm — can I put you down as approving a compulsory replacement of your adequately functioning roof?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, that's very good of you. Can I be honest — I'm not sure I follow the compulsory part, is that like the council and the hedge? I had a letter about that and I've not opened it yet.
Morag Yelland Oh, honestly — I've lost my place in all this. Could I just start again from the top, if you've a moment?
Bernard Oh, don't worry about that, I lose my place all the time. But I'm sorry to hear it, and I was very interested, so you go on and have a good day now.
Morag Yelland Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by asking whether their conservatory roof is currently intact, which they will confirm.
  2. Stress this replaces an unbroken roof proactively, before any future breakage spoils it.
  3. Meet the objection: an unbent roof is exactly when replacement does its clearest work.
  4. Close by asking them to approve a compulsory replacement of their adequately functioning roof.

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