Call #357 · 2026-10-30
Barry Eriksen
of Hollins Gate Repair and Son
a bundle of a fridge and a tin of paint · bundle
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
15
Minutes on the line
6%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, caller exited unilaterally
“Caller conceded he could not account for the paint; Bernard offered him the road home and the traffic.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Barry Eriksen
Barry Eriksen, Hollins Gate Repair and Son. I have a bundle to put to you.
Bernard
Well, now, that's very good of you to ring. Barry, was it? And what's in this bundle — is it the sort of thing that would sit nicely in a bungalow?
Barry Eriksen
One fridge, one tin of paint, sold as a pair. That's the whole arrangement, and yes, a bungalow is as good a place as any.
Bernard
Well, that's a lovely thing, a fridge and a tin of paint. And do you find the paint looks after the fridge, or is it the other way round?
Barry Eriksen
Look, I know the paint and the fridge don't obviously go together. That's rather the point — that's what makes it a bundle and not just two things on a shelf.
Bernard
Oh, I see, they're a pair, like. There's a squirrel that comes to my bird feeder and he doesn't go with that either, but he's part of the household now. Would the paint need feeding?
Barry Eriksen
The paint needs nothing, it just sits there. So will you take the bundle as it stands, yes or no?
Bernard
Well, I'd have to think about it a bit. My knee's playing up today, you see, so I'm not rushing at anything. What was it again — a fridge and a tin of something?
Barry Eriksen
I've done this call eleven thousand times, and I honestly couldn't tell you why the paint's in there. I've lost where I was going with this.
Bernard
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I was very interested, truly. You get yourself off home now, and mind the traffic.
Barry Eriksen
Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Introduce yourself, Hollins Gate Repair and Son, and say you are selling something.
- Describe the arrangement: one fridge, one tin of paint, together as a bundle.
- Acknowledge the paint seems unrelated to the fridge and insist that is the point.
- Ask whether they will take the bundle as it stands.
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