Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #351 · 2026-10-30

Wendy Trask
of Trask Brothers, est. 1962

an annual inspection of a side gate you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
6%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no gate, caller self-disconnected

“Caller read the same three lines four times, then reported losing a line that Bernard was still talking on.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Wendy Trask Wendy Trask, Trask Brothers, established 1962 — the firm, not me. It's about your annual side gate inspection.
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about that. The gutters were done, weren't they — or was that the hedge? There's a letter from the council somewhere about the hedge. Anyway, you go on, I'm listening.
Wendy Trask We don't do gutters, Mr Pottle. Per the inspection schedule, page two, the annual visit relates solely to the side gate — and I'll be quick, it's a firm, fixed arrangement.
Bernard Page two, right you are. I had my glasses a moment ago, they'll turn up. Now, this side gate — is it a green one? Only I've a bird in the front room and she takes against green things.
Wendy Trask I'm afraid I couldn't say on the colour. And it's policy — I'll just read the reference — the inspection is to establish the condition of the gate, wherever it is and whatever colour it turns out to be.
Bernard Wherever it is. Well, that's sensible, that saves us both a walk. And does the gate need feeding, or is it more of a once-a-year thing like the inspection?
Wendy Trask A gate isn't fed, Mr Pottle, that's not a thing. Just the one annual inspection — can I put you down for it today?
Bernard Oh, that's very good of you. I'd say yes in a heartbeat, only I'd want to see what the council letter says about the hedge first. Would you hold on a moment?
Wendy Trask Honestly, Mr Pottle — I've read the same three lines off this sheet four times now. I don't think this call is going anywhere, so I'll leave you to your hedge.
Bernard Sorry to hear that, you've been very patient with me. I was very interested, truly. You mind the traffic on the way home now.
Wendy Trask Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by referencing your family firm and its founding year, 1962.
  2. Explain the annual inspection covers the side gate, wherever it is.
  3. Address that they've never used or located the gate — inspection finds it.
  4. Ask them to confirm the annual side gate inspection today.

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