Call #349 · 2026-10-30
Petra Hawea
of Pratt Dampcourse Ltd
a bundle of a coal bunker and a length of hose · bundle
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no yes, caller self-terminated
“Caller offered to flatten the objection; Bernard asked how the bundle would get on with the bird.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Petra Hawea
Hello there, Bernard, Petra Hawea here from Pratt Dampcourse Ltd. I'm ringing about your coal bunker and hose, so let's get that sorted nice and quick.
Bernard
Oh, hello there. Now, am I warm enough? That's very kind of you to ask. I'm sat here quite snug, actually. What was it about the coal bunker again?
Petra Hawea
Wonderful, Bernard, glad you're snug. Now here's the arrangement: one coal bunker and one length of hose, and we do them as a single bundle — that's the whole point of the Pratt Dampcourse offer.
Bernard
A bundle, you say. Well, that's very good of you. Now, does the bundle come in a box, or do you bring it round? And how would it get on with the bird, do you think?
Petra Hawea
Bernard, I know what you're thinking — what on earth do a bunker and a hose have to do with each other? That's exactly the question everyone asks, and I'll flatten it for you: they're paired because the one stores and the other carries.
Bernard
Stores and carries. Oh, that's rather clever. Hold on a moment, I've left my glasses down by the ironing board behind the door. Say that again — it stores and it what?
Petra Hawea
Take your time, Bernard, no rush at all. Look, I'll be straight with you — some days I wonder what I'm even doing ringing strangers about a bunker. Right, no. One bundle, bunker and hose together, and I just need your yes.
Bernard
Ah, now, you sound a bit down, if you don't mind my saying. Long day? My front door key sticks in the lock something dreadful — I only mention it because I'd have to think about a yes, you see.
Petra Hawea
Bernard, I'll be honest — I don't think this one's coming together. You take care now.
Bernard
I'm sorry to hear that. I was very interested, truly I was. You mind how you go now.
Petra Hawea
Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by confirming who you are and that this is about their coal bunker and hose.
- Explain the arrangement: one bunker, one length of hose, sold as a single bundle.
- Answer the obvious objection that these two things are unrelated.
- Ask for the yes on the combined bunker-and-hose bundle.
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