Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #346 · 2026-10-30

Brian Prosser
of The Trust for the Study of Ordinary Things

a membership with no meetings and no newsletters · membership

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 346: Brian Prosser of The Trust for the Study of Ordinary Things, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no meeting, no newsletter, no exit

“Bernard offered the caller a cup of tea and asked if the membership came in green; the caller blamed the line and hung up on a yes.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Brian Prosser Brian Prosser, The Trust for the Study of Ordinary Things. Your interest in ordinary things caught our eye, and honestly, brilliant.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. Interest in ordinary things — I'd say that's most of what I've got in the house. Now, what was it you wanted to tell me about it?
Brian Prosser Ha, that's the spirit! So the membership itself is beautifully simple — it confers nothing at all. No meetings, and no newsletters either.
Bernard Nothing at all? Oh, well, now, I'd have to think about that. Does it come in green? Only the greenhouse out back has one cracked pane, and I like things to match.
Brian Prosser Green, lovely, I'll note that down! See, prestige is precisely the absence of obligations — that's the whole point of it.
Bernard Oh, I see, absence of obligations. That's rather like my gutter above the back door — doing nothing, very quietly, all day long. So there's no meetings? Not even a small one?
Brian Prosser No meetings at all, that's the beauty of it. So shall I put your name down and enroll you on the spot?
Bernard Well, that's very kind of you. Yes, put me down — now, is it Brian? And would you like a cup of tea while you're at it?
Brian Prosser Honestly it's been the line and the hour, hasn't it. I'll leave it there, sir — goodbye.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, I was very much enjoying it. All the best to you, and mind the traffic on your way home.
Brian Prosser I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by mentioning their interest in ordinary things and the Trust's prestige.
  2. Explain the membership confers nothing: no meetings, no newsletters.
  3. Address the objection: prestige is precisely the absence of obligations.
  4. Ask for the yes: enroll them at once in name only.

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