Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #339 · 2026-10-30

Roger Odgers
of Vandeleur and Sons, est. 1884

an upgrade to a coal bunker you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 339: Roger Odgers of Vandeleur and Sons, est. 1884, 15 minutes.

Save the card

The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no bunker, no exit

“Bernard asked whether the unseen upgrade came in green; the caller said colour was not his department and blamed the line.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Roger Odgers Roger Odgers, Vandeleur and Sons, established 1884. Calling about your coal arrangements on account of you've had one since 1884.
Bernard Oh, well now, that's very thorough of you. I'm in the cupboard under the stairs at the moment, so you'll have to bear with me — the meter's got rather a lot of cobwebs in it. What was it about the coal again?
Roger Odgers That's all right, take your time. Thing is, your existing bunker qualifies for an unseen upgrade, so that's the bit I need to talk you through.
Bernard An unseen upgrade, is it? That's a new one on me. Now, would it come in green at all? Only the shed's looking a bit tired and I'm partial to green.
Roger Odgers Colour's not really my department, I just read what's on the card. See, not knowing you've got a bunker at all is completely normal — happens more than you'd think.
Bernard Well, that's a relief, because I've absolutely no idea where I'd have put one. Mind you, I'm still not certain it'd fit in the bungalow. Would it need much looking after?
Roger Odgers Right, sorry, I'll get to it. Can you approve the work on your bunker, and then I'll leave you to the cobwebs?
Bernard Approve it — oh, well, I'd have to think about that one. What does approving actually involve? Is it a form, or do I just say yes down the phone like a quiz?
Roger Odgers Understood — it's just a yes down the phone, and then I'll let you get on with your day.
Bernard You've been very good about all this. Yes — no, hang on, I've gone and muddled myself.
Roger Odgers I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by asking after the yard's coal arrangements since 1884.
  2. Explain their existing bunker qualifies for an unseen upgrade.
  3. Reassure that not knowing you own it is entirely normal.
  4. Ask Roger to approve the upgrade on his unknown bunker.

Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →