Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #333 · 2026-10-30

Sunita Gaskell
of Dlamini, Pendry and Zouch Glazing Partnership

a quarterly gutter clearance that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
14%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 333: Sunita Gaskell of Dlamini, Pendry and Zouch Glazing Partnership, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit, colleague assigned

“Caller conceded the script was beyond him and referred the file onward; Bernard remained willing to buy gutters he had not ordered, pending the location of the seasons.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Sunita Gaskell Hello, sorry to bother you, I'm Sunita from Dlamini, Pendry and Zouch Glazing Partnership — just ringing to check we've got your details right on the register, if that's okay?
Bernard Oh, the glazing partnership — you're on the register, I've seen you on it. Now then, who gave you this number? Only I don't hand it about much.
Sunita Gaskell Sorry, I'm not sure who passed it on, that's not on my sheet. Great news though, this is about a complimentary scheduled quarterly gutter clearance, arranged automatically for you.
Bernard Automatically, you say? Well, that's very good of somebody. Now — gutter, is that the top bit or the bottom bit? I always muddle the two.
Sunita Gaskell The top bit, the bit the rain runs along, sorry, I should have said. I know it sounds odd that nobody ordered it, but we treat the first visit as a courtesy.
Bernard Oh, a courtesy, right you are. There's a wasp been sat in my kitchen window all morning, bold as anything, so I've not been up a ladder myself. When did you say this visit was?
Sunita Gaskell I don't have the exact day in front of me, sorry, that gets set once it's arranged. So if I could just confirm the standing arrangement carries on each quarter?
Bernard Each quarter — so that'd be spring, summer, and... what's the third one? Sorry, I've gone right off my seasons. Hang on, I'll just move this wasp along, he's very persistent.
Sunita Gaskell No, that's my fault, I've rushed it. Honestly, I'm three weeks in and I'm not doing this well, so I think a colleague will have to deal with it instead.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that — I was very interested, truly. You mind how you go now, and mind the traffic.
Sunita Gaskell I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming she is the glazing partnership on the register.
  2. Present the quarterly gutter clearance as a complimentary scheduled visit, automatically arranged.
  3. Address the objection that nobody ordered it by calling the first visit a courtesy.
  4. Ask her to confirm the standing arrangement continues each quarter.

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