Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #33 · 2026-10-19

Graham Petley
of Barrowden Haus Ancillary Provisions

a loft ladder for a bungalow · attic access

21
Minutes on the line
12%
Will to live
12
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The manager's note

Verdictno upstairs, no sale, pear tree discussed

“Caller offered a free survey for a loft that does not exist; customer offered tea instead.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Graham Petley Hello there, Graham Petley here from Barrowden Haus Ancillary Provisions, and I'm so glad I caught you. I promise I'll be quick — just a couple of minutes of your time, and it could make all the difference to your storage.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, Graham. I'm Bernard — and I was just sitting here with the radio on, so you've caught me at a lovely moment. Barrowden House, did you say? My aunt stayed in a house like that once.
Graham Petley Barrowden Haus, that's right. Anyway, just to confirm, Bernard, I've got you at the address with the long garden and the pear tree — and that's a single-storey property, is that correct?
Bernard Oh, the pear tree, yes — it's a beauty this year, though the wasps get at it. Single storey, that's me. Bungalow. I've not been upstairs in years, come to think of it.
Graham Petley Right, well, great news — our loft ladder gives you a sturdy three-metre reach, plenty to get you up there safely and back down again. That's three metres of solid, dependable climbing.
Bernard Three metres? Goodness. Now — is that a ladder for getting up, or a ladder for getting things down? Because I've got a suitcase up there I haven't seen since before Mavis hatched.
Graham Petley Well — it does both, really. That's rather the point of it, up and down. Now, I should pause here, because with a bungalow there's no upstairs for the ladder to reach, is there?
Bernard Oh. Oh dear. No, there isn't. The kettle's just about to go, mind — would you like a cup? No, of course, you can't, can you. Sorry. So where does the ladder go?
Graham Petley No need to apologise, Bernard. We do offer the ladder in a shorter, ornamental size — very popular for display. And if you did have an upstairs hallway anywhere, that'd be another mounting point entirely, though I don't suppose you do.
Bernard An ornamental one — does it come in green? Only Mavis is frightfully picky about colours, she squawks at anything red. And no, no upstairs hallway, unless you count the passage by the airing cupboard. It's more of a corridor, really.
Graham Petley Green's a lovely choice. Now, the last thing from me — I'd like to offer you a free survey, no obligation whatsoever, so our surveyor can come out and assess... well, he can't actually get up there, can he, what with there being no upstairs.
Bernard A free survey, that's very good of you. He'd be welcome to a cup of tea and a look at the garden — I'd show him the pear tree. When you say he can't get up there, does he need a ladder for that?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and Barrowden Haus in one breezy breath.
  2. Confirm the customer's address, then describe the property as single storey.
  3. Explain the loft ladder's sturdy three-metre reach with pride.
  4. Pause as the logic lands, then offer the ladder in a shorter, ornamental size.
  5. Suggest an upstairs hallway as an alternative mounting point, if one exists.
  6. Close by offering a free survey the surveyor can't actually perform.

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