Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #32 · 2026-10-19

Gareth Pinnock
of Thrumley & Fett Home Lineaments

a reversible doormat for one-way hallways · threshold flooring

27
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
12
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The manager's note

Verdictsurvey booked, mat unrequired, parrot unavailable for comment

“Caller asked whether the mat needed feeding; customer offered to host Christmas mid-survey.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Gareth Pinnock Evening — Gareth Pinnock here, from Thrumley & Fett Home Lineaments. I'll be quick: I just need to confirm the orientation of your hallway before we go any further.
Bernard Oh, evening to you — now, Thrumley and Fett, is that the one down by the roundabout? Lovely. My hallway runs front to back, I think, though Mavis the parrot would say it runs sideways, ha. What was it you needed to confirm?
Gareth Pinnock Right — front to back, I'll note that down. And that's exactly why I'm calling, really, because a front-to-back hallway is precisely the case our reversible doormat was built for.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. Does it come in green at all? Only the hall carpet's green, and Mavis is green too, so it'd all match nicely. Front to back, mind — is that the wrong way round or the right way round?
Gareth Pinnock I'll note the green, and here's the thing about the mat — it's reversible, yes, but only in the wrong direction, so it's designed to flip the opposite way to the way you'd actually want it.
Bernard Oh, I see — so it flips the wrong way on purpose. Now that's clever, or it isn't, I can't tell yet. Would it need feeding, do you think? Only we had a mat years ago that came up at the corners something dreadful.
Gareth Pinnock It won't need feeding, no. And, ah, I should just mention quickly — there's an annual reorientation fee, it's only small, it's for keeping the mat pointed the right way each year.
Bernard A yearly fee for the pointing — oh, well, that's very reasonable, I'm sure. Is that payable in the spring? Only my sister was saying the clocks going forward is when everything gets confusing. How much was it again — roughly, in real money?
Gareth Pinnock It's forty dollars, and we can take that whenever suits you. But look, the fee's really the small part — what I'd like to do is book you in for a hallway survey Thursday morning.
Bernard Thursday morning, now let me think — that's the day the man comes about the gutters, or is it Friday? Wait, no, it's Thursday, and it's my turn to host Christmas, not that that's got anything to do with it. Would the survey take long?
Gareth Pinnock Thursday morning it is, then — I'll put you down. Honest question, Bernard, before I do, because most people hang up on me, so I'd be glad to know: are you actually interested in a mat, or just being kind?
Bernard Oh, both, I should think. Mainly it's nice to have someone to talk to — Mavis has said the same thing twice today and I've run out of replies. But yes, put me down, and mind the traffic getting here, it's dreadful on that roundabout.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming the householder's hallway orientation.
  2. Offer the doormat as a solution to a problem they do not have.
  3. Explain the mat is reversible but only in the wrong direction.
  4. Mention the annual reorientation fee quietly and quickly.
  5. Attempt to book a hallway survey for Thursday morning.
  6. Close by wishing them a well-aligned future.

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