Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #329 · 2026-10-29

Ingrid Sithole
of Hollinsgrove Interior Bureau

a bundle of a chimney and a broom head · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
8%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 329: Ingrid Sithole of Hollinsgrove Interior Bureau, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller stood down

“Bernard asked whether the chimney needed feeding; the caller apologised for his own script and then apologised for leaving.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Ingrid Sithole Hello, sorry to bother you, I'm Ingrid from Hollinsgrove Interior Bureau. I'm just ringing about a chimney and broom-head bundle, if that's alright.
Bernard Oh, hello Ingrid. I've put my glasses down somewhere — would you say the first bit again? I got as far as the chimney and then the broom and it went a bit wandering.
Ingrid Sithole That's quite alright, sorry. It's a chimney and a broom head, and they only come as one indivisible bundle — I did say indivisible, I know, I'm sorry.
Bernard Indivisible. Oh, that's a lovely word, that. So the two of them can't be separated, is that the size of it? Now, would that be a green chimney, or do they only do the one colour?
Ingrid Sithole Sorry, I should have said. And I know you've got a chimney and a broom already, people always say that — but this is the bundle, both pieces together, so the chimney has to come with it.
Bernard Well, I do have a chimney, yes, up on the roof where it's always been. Does this new one need feeding, or is it the sort that just sits there? Sorry, I'm not quite keeping up with the bundle side of it.
Ingrid Sithole Sorry, no, it doesn't need anything like that. So would you say yes to the whole arrangement, chimney and broom head as one?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. Oh — hold on a moment, the meter cupboard's got cobwebs in it and I've been meaning to see to that. Now, say the yes bit again, would you?
Ingrid Sithole Sorry, yes — I'm supposed to ask for the yes. I'm three weeks in and I still get it in the wrong order every time, and it's nearly the end of the call. I hope it's not a nuisance.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I was very interested, mind, properly interested. You go on now, and mind how you go.
Ingrid Sithole Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the householder at the registered locality.
  2. Explain the chimney-and-broom-head arrangement as a single indivisible bundle.
  3. Address the obvious objection that you already own a chimney and a broom.
  4. Ask for the yes on the arrangement, both parts together.

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