Call #330 · on the line
Sylvia Iyer
of The Quillan Vale Trust
an annual inspection of a back step you have never used · inspection
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Sylvia Iyer
Hello, this is Sylvia Iyer from The Quillan Vale Trust — we're the team that handles the annual back-step inspection, and I'm just confirming I've reached the person responsible for it.
Bernard
Well, you've reached somebody, that's a start. I'm not sure about responsible, mind — my wife used to say I wasn't responsible for much. Now, the back step, you said?
Sylvia Iyer
That's the one — the annual inspection from The Quillan Vale Trust covers your back step, which, and I want to be upfront here, you've never used. It's great news, really.
Bernard
Never used it, no. I go out the front like a normal person. So what is it they're inspecting, if I've never set foot on it?
Sylvia Iyer
I hear you, and honestly that's exactly why we offer to locate it for you — if you can't find the step, the whole floor here will help track it down. I was made team leader on Monday, so we can escalate that as a kindness.
Bernard
Oh, congratulations on Monday, that's lovely. Tell you what, there's an ironing board behind the door in the hall — I've not shifted it in years, so the step might be under there.
Sylvia Iyer
The ironing board is a good lead, we'll note that down — and here's the last piece, can we just confirm the yes and book your inspection in for the coming year?
Bernard
Well, I'd have to think about it — I don't like to be hasty. But you're very good to offer. Would you like a cup of something while you're at it?
Sylvia Iyer
Honestly, Bernard, we've been at this a while and the floor's gone quiet, so we'll just close it out here and —
Bernard
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I was very interested, truly — don't you worry about it. You go on, and mind how you get home.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by confirming you have reached the person responsible for the back step.
- Explain the annual inspection covers a step you have never used.
- Address the objection that they cannot find it by offering to locate it.
- Ask for the yes and book the inspection for the coming year.