Call #325 · 2026-10-29
Yvonne Dlamini
of Ingleby Thorp Group Holdings
a membership with no newsletters and no refunds · membership
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
15
Minutes on the line
58%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no form, caller exited via line
“Bernard asked whether the nothing takes up room; caller blamed the line and left him to it.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Yvonne Dlamini
Yvonne Dlamini here, Ingleby Thorp Group Holdings. You're the decision-maker I need, and I don't waste your time, so I'll get straight to it.
Bernard
Oh, well, you've caught me in the cupboard under the stairs, so mind the echo. Yes, I suppose that's me — decision-maker. What was it you wanted, my dear?
Yvonne Dlamini
Glad to hear it, Bernard, that's exactly who I was after. The membership is pure prestige — nothing attached to it at all, not one newsletter, and no refunds, ever.
Bernard
No refunds, no newsletter. Hmm. Would it come in a folder of some sort, or does it just sort of exist? I only ask because I've a drawer that's all instructions and nothing to go with them.
Yvonne Dlamini
Bernard, you're asking the right man the right question, and here's the answer: there's nothing in it, and that's the whole distinction. Anyone can be given things, but only a select few can be given absolutely nothing at all.
Bernard
Oh, I see, it's the nothing that's the special part. Well, that's very clever. Does the nothing take up any room, or would it sit quietly in the hall?
Yvonne Dlamini
You've got it, Bernard, spot on, that's exactly the pitch. So let's get Ingleby Thorp Group Holdings enrolled today — I'll take your word as the yes and we'll be done.
Bernard
Well now, hold on, I'd have to think about it, that's a big nothing to take on. Is there a form? I like a form. And would eight o'clock Tuesday be a silly time to ring back?
Yvonne Dlamini
Honestly, Bernard, this line's been cracking up all evening and the hour's against me, so I'll leave you to your nothing rather than keep at it. Have a good night, sir.
Bernard
I'm sorry to hear that, I really was very interested. You mind how you go now, and mind the traffic.
Yvonne Dlamini
I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by confirming you have reached the Ingleby Thorp Group Holdings decision-maker.
- Describe the membership as pure prestige, conferring nothing, no newsletters, no refunds.
- Address the objection that nothing is included by framing absence itself as the distinction.
- Ask for the yes: enrol Ingleby Thorp Group Holdings in the membership today.
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