Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #320 · 2026-10-29

Adebayo Ncube
of Lindqvist, Munt and Tallentire Cavity Care Partnership

an upgrade to a fence panel you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
42%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 320: Adebayo Ncube of Lindqvist, Munt and Tallentire Cavity Care Partnership, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit; caller withdrew to post

“Caller offered a panel Bernard never ordered; Bernard offered tea, then a bird; caller chose the postal service and hung up on his own script.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Adebayo Ncube Adebayo Ncube, Lindqvist, Munt and Tallentire Cavity Care Partnership. Ringing about the rear boundary fence panel you own but didn't order.
Bernard Well, that's a mouthful of a name, isn't it. I'm the owner of a fence panel, you say? I don't remember ordering one, but my memory's a funny thing — ah, wait, the hall clock is four minutes fast, so I might have done it and not noticed.
Adebayo Ncube The name's a mouthful, I know. Anyway, the standard panel's been silently upgraded to a reinforced cavity-care panel, so there's nothing to order.
Bernard Silently upgraded, you say. Does it come in green? Only the one at the bottom of the garden is green, and I'd want them to match.
Adebayo Ncube The boundary record at the practice lists that panel as yours. So there's never been anything for you to arrange.
Bernard Oh, well, that's very good of you to keep a record. Is there tea where you are? You sound like a man who's been on his feet all morning.
Adebayo Ncube I'm flat out, thanks. So, do I have your yes to authorise the upgrade on the panel you already own?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. It's a big word, authorise — would it need feeding, this panel? Only I've a bird in the front room and she's particular.
Adebayo Ncube I'll put it in writing. Enjoy your bird.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, I really am. I was very interested, mind. You go careful out there now.
Adebayo Ncube I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming the partner is the registered owner of a rear boundary fence panel.
  2. Explain the standard panel has been silently upgraded to a reinforced cavity-care panel.
  3. Address the objection that no fence was ordered by citing the practice's existing boundary record.
  4. Ask for the yes to authorise the upgrade on the panel they already own.

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