Call #311 · 2026-10-29
Jae Munt
of Odgers and Daughter, est. 1877
a seasonal boiler service that arrives unbidden · unbidden service
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
15
Minutes on the line
64%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, wasp retained
“Caller blamed the line; the line had behaved perfectly well throughout, as had the wasp.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Jae Munt
Hello there, Jae Munt from Odgers and Daughter, established 1877. I'm ringing because we're passing your way this season anyway, so I thought I'd give you a quick bell.
Bernard
Hello? Sorry, I'm a bit muffled, I've got my head in the airing cupboard. Passing my way, you said — that's very good of you. Now what was it you do again?
Jae Munt
Ha, brilliant, head in the airing cupboard, that's lovely. Well, the courtesy service callout is already in the diary for you, all booked in and everything.
Bernard
In the diary already? Well now, that's organised. I can't find my own diary from one week to the next. Whose diary is it in, mine or yours?
Jae Munt
I know what you're thinking, nobody asked. And that's the whole point, that's the courtesy right there.
Bernard
Oh, I see, I see. It's a freebie because I didn't ask for it. That's like when the window cleaner did the top windows I hadn't mentioned. Is it a boiler you're doing, or something else?
Jae Munt
It's the seasonal boiler service, that's the one. So just to confirm, can the engineer get to the boiler when they come round?
Bernard
The boiler, yes. It's in the little cupboard off the kitchen, next to the wasp. Well, the wasp's on the window, not in the cupboard. He's been there since Tuesday. Would the engineer mind him?
Jae Munt
Ha, the wasp, that's a marvellous detail, honestly. So can someone get to that cupboard off the kitchen, is the question.
Bernard
I should think so, unless the key's stuck again — that's been playing up. But look, I'm sorry, I've gone and muddled myself and I don't think I can sort out an appointment today. It was very good of you to ring.
Jae Munt
I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by mentioning you're passing their way this season anyway.
- Explain the courtesy service visit is already scheduled in the diary.
- Address the objection that nobody asked for it — that's the courtesy.
- Ask them to confirm the engineer can access the boiler.
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