Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #307 · 2026-10-29

Rodney Wiredu
of Odgers Driveway Sealing Ltd

a bundle of a boiler and a folding chair · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
21%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 307: Rodney Wiredu of Odgers Driveway Sealing Ltd, 15 minutes.

Save the card

The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard asked after the bird and the colour of the chair; the caller asked after a yes and got a hall and a pair of glasses.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Rodney Wiredu Rodney Wiredu, Odgers Driveway Sealing Ltd. — ringing because I've got a boiler and a folding chair with your household's name on them, and I'd rather sort that with you directly than with anyone else.
Bernard Oh, well, now — a boiler, did you say? I've got a sock behind the radiator that's been there since goodness knows when, so a boiler sounds like a step up. Sorry, go on, you were saying about the chair?
Rodney Wiredu The bundle is one boiler and one folding chair, sold as a single arrangement, and honestly Bernard, that's the cleanest deal I've put together all month. Shall we say yes to the pair?
Bernard Yes, I'm very interested. Now, why does the chair come with a boiler? Not that I mind — I'd want the chair in green, mind, if that's not too much trouble. Does it fold flat enough for a bungalow, do you think?
Rodney Wiredu That's the question everybody asks — the chair comes with the boiler because we bundle them, Bernard. It's one arrangement, both pieces, and I just need your yes on the pair.
Bernard Oh, I see, one arrangement. That's very good of you. Now the boiler — would it get on with the bird? She's in the front room of an afternoon, and she doesn't care for surprises.
Rodney Wiredu Your bird will be fine, Bernard, and I wouldn't want to hold this up over nothing — I've been top of my floor three months running and I can tell you this bundle doesn't sit around. Just the yes on the boiler and the chair, together?
Bernard Three months running, well, that's grand. I'd have to think about it, mind. Hold on a moment — I've left my glasses somewhere in the hall, I'll not be a tick.
Rodney Wiredu Take your time, Bernard, I'll be right here — and while you're finding them, just to confirm, it's one boiler and one folding chair, arriving together, yes?
Bernard That's right, one boiler and one folding chair arriving together — no, wait, it's the other way about, the chair comes with the boiler. I don't know where I got that from. Sorry, what was the firm called again?
Rodney Wiredu Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the householder, then pause.
  2. Explain the bundle: one boiler, one folding chair, sold together.
  3. Concede the obvious question of why a chair comes with a boiler.
  4. Ask for the yes on the pair, as one arrangement.

Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →