Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #304 · 2026-10-29

Adebayo Pinnock
of Fenwick Ghyll Domestic Bureau

a certificate confirming a pantry shelf is still where you left it · certification

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Caller offered the yes twice; Bernard countered with the folder in the hall and the shelf that has never wandered off.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Adebayo Pinnock Good afternoon, Adebayo Pinnock here from Fenwick Ghyll Domestic Bureau, calling about that pantry shelf of yours.
Bernard Oh, hello. Are you selling, or asking? Only I like to know which it is before I settle in, and I've got the afternoon free so there's no rush at all.
Adebayo Pinnock Not selling, Bernard, we're certifying. We issue a certificate stating the shelf's position is exactly as you left it, in writing, signed off.
Bernard Certifying, right. And it's the pantry shelf, is it? I've got one of those, of course, and I'm fairly sure it's where I left it, though I'd have to go and look to say for certain.
Adebayo Pinnock Well, Bernard, that's the whole point — you don't need to go and look, that's what the certificate is for. Why not simply take the yes and let us do the rest?
Bernard Oh, that's very good of you. But I could just go and look, couldn't I, and save you the trouble? Though my knees aren't what they were on the stairs, so perhaps you've got a point.
Adebayo Pinnock There's no trouble at all on our side, Bernard, and your knees needn't feature in it — so shall we say yes and put your shelf's position on the record?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. Is it a big certificate? Only there's a folder in the hall with the house papers, and whether it would fit in there is the sort of thing I'd want to know first.
Adebayo Pinnock It's a single sheet, Bernard, folds neatly enough for any folder. So I'll put you down for the yes and we'll get your pantry shelf squared away.
Bernard Single sheet, that's handy. Now, would it want renewing each year, or does the shelf stay put? I've had that shelf a long while and it's never once wandered off, so to speak.
Adebayo Pinnock I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming the pantry shelf is present and unmoved.
  2. Explain the Bureau issues a certificate stating the shelf's unchanged position.
  3. Address the objection that they can plainly see the shelf themselves.
  4. Ask for the yes to certify the shelf is where they left it.

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