Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #303 · 2026-10-29

Bronwen Dlamini
of Petrie Chimney Sweeping Ltd

a twice-yearly gutter water subscription that renews itself · renewing subscription

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
41%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 303: Bronwen Dlamini of Petrie Chimney Sweeping Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, loft hatch unresolved, caller self-terminated

“Bernard offered the caller a cup of something; caller cited the fictional nature of the offer and declined on behalf of the team.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Bronwen Dlamini Bronwen Dlamini, hello, Petrie Chimney Sweeping Ltd here — we've got a quick question about the gutters on your property.
Bernard Oh, hello there. Yes, I had a feeling it was the gutters. I'm very glad you rang — I was just standing looking at the sky and wondering whether it would hold. Now, you said your name was Bronwen, did you? That's a lovely name, that.
Bronwen Dlamini Bernard, that's kind of you, and the team were saying much the same on Monday when they made me team leader. Now, the plan we're offering is a twice-yearly gutter water delivery that renews itself automatically — very handy.
Bernard Twice a year. Well, that sounds very good of you. Does it need feeding at all? Only I'm out in the garden most mornings and I'd not want to neglect it.
Bronwen Dlamini You've never asked for a delivery, we know that — but the renewal does the remembering for you. So can we put you down for the subscription, and I'll read the renewal terms out now.
Bernard Oh, you're very thorough, I like that. Now, before you read them out — is it the sort of thing that would want a hand up into the loft? Only the hatch up there won't stay up by itself, and I've had a job and a half with it.
Bronwen Dlamini Honestly, I've not been on the phones long enough to know about lofts. Sorry, Bernard, that's not very team-leader of me — so, the renewal terms: it carries on every twelvemonth until you say stop.
Bernard Twelvemonth, right you are. The hatch has been like that since the spring before last — no, the autumn, I've got that wrong. Anyway, you carry on, I'm all attention. Would you like a cup of something?
Bronwen Dlamini There's a reason we do it by phone, Bernard, since everything's fictional and there's nothing to pour — but the team would like it noted that we're behind you on the subscription. Can we say yes?
Bernard Well, it's very good of you to say so, and I'd not say no to a bit of backing. I'd have to think about it, mind. What was the thing again — the water, is it?
Bronwen Dlamini I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming her name and that she has gutters on the property.
  2. Explain the twice-yearly gutter water delivery and its automatic renewal convenience.
  3. Concede she never asked for it, then insist renewal saves her remembering.
  4. Ask for the yes to the subscription and read the renewal terms aloud.

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