Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #301 · 2026-10-28

Eileen Odgers
of Munt Cavity Care

a replacement for a shed that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
4%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 301: Eileen Odgers of Munt Cavity Care, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no survey, no shed, caller exited

“Caller offered a green shed to a man more concerned with the bird's feelings and his sister's Christmas hosting; nothing agreed, nothing sold.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Eileen Odgers Bernard, Eileen Odgers here from Munt Cavity Care. I'm ringing because your shed doesn't need to fail before we replace it, and that's exactly when we like to act.
Bernard Have I had my lunch? Oh, that's kind, yes, I had a bit of soup and then the bird got most of the bread. Now, you said a shed — is that the little wooden one out the back? Because that's been standing since my brother's day and it's never let a drop in.
Eileen Odgers That's the one, Bernard, and that's the beauty of doing it proactively, before any failure. We don't wait for the day it lets a drop in, we get ahead of it.
Bernard Well that's very good of you, thinking ahead for me. And it would come in green, would it? Only the bird's got rather fond of the old one and I wouldn't want to upset him.
Eileen Odgers Green it is, Bernard, no upsetting anyone. I'll be quick — the survey visit's the next step, so shall I put you down for it?
Bernard Oh, now, hold on, my glasses have gone walkabout. I'll just have a look on the hall table — you stay on the line, won't you? It's not often I get a proper conversation of an afternoon.
Eileen Odgers Take your time, Bernard, I'm not going anywhere. And while you're looking — can I say yes to that survey visit for you, just to confirm it's in the diary?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, it's a big thing, a new shed. What day were you thinking? Only Tuesdays I'm at my sister's, and I'm never sure if that's this Tuesday or the one after.
Eileen Odgers Thinking's overrated on these things, Bernard, and Tuesdays are no trouble, we work round them. So that's a yes, then.
Bernard You're very patient with me, I will say that. Oh — mind, my sister's the one who does the hosting at Christmas, not me, I had that wrong just now. What was it you wanted me to say yes to?
Eileen Odgers Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the householder and have a moment.
  2. Describe the shed replacement offer as something done proactively, before any failure.
  3. Address the obvious objection that the existing shed is perfectly sound and working.
  4. Ask directly for a yes to book the replacement survey visit.

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