Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #297 · 2026-10-28

Yvonne Prasad
of Palgrave and Daughter, est. 1968

an annual inspection of a back step you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
18%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no step, newly promoted caller retreats

“Caller blamed the line; Bernard offered a squirrel as evidence and a gurgling drain as a counter-proposal.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Yvonne Prasad Yvonne Prasad, Palgrave and Daughter, est. 1968. We're calling about your back step's annual inspection.
Bernard Oh, is that the front door or the back door you're at? Only I wasn't expecting anyone. Palgrave and Daughter, you say — 1968, that's a fair old while ago. Back step, now? I'll just... what was the word again?
Yvonne Prasad We're not at any door, we're on the line — it's the step at the back of the property we'd like to inspect. Since Monday I've been team leader, so the whole floor's behind this one.
Bernard Monday, well that's a quick rise, congratulations. Now the back of the property, you see, I can't quite put my finger on a step there. The squirrel gets to the bird feeder that way, mind — climbs the pole like a ladder. Would that be it?
Yvonne Prasad A squirrel's not a step, but that's exactly the sort of thing we'd log — the inspection just confirms what is or isn't there. We can escalate it to the floor if that helps.
Bernard Con what — confirms, right. Very thorough of you. Escalate, you said — to where, exactly? I've not got much beyond the hallway and the landing. Well, I'd have to think about it.
Yvonne Prasad Honestly, I'm newly in charge and I'd just like one approval on the board. Could we put you down to approve the inspection of that unfound step — the whole team's behind it.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, and I'm very interested — I really am. Only there's a drain by my gate that gurgles something dreadful when it rains. Would your team have a look at that while they're about? No, no, the step. I'd have to think.
Yvonne Prasad I've lost my place in the list, and the hour's got the better of me. It's the line, I think — I'm going to let this one go.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, truly. I was very interested, you know. You go steady now — mind the traffic getting home.
Yvonne Prasad I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by referencing Palgrave and Daughter's founding year, 1968.
  2. Explain the annual inspection of the back step they have never used.
  3. Address the objection that they cannot locate this back step.
  4. Ask Yvonne to approve the inspection of the unfound step.

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