Call #296 · 2026-10-28
Hana Wiredu
of Hawea Domestic Ltd
a bundle of a drain and a doormat · bundle
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit
“Bernard expressed interest in the bundle and in the caller's tea; the owl in the front room was not offered a mat.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Hana Wiredu
Hello, sorry to bother you, it's Hana Wiredu from Hawea Domestic Ltd. I'm ringing about drains and doormats, if that's all right.
Bernard
Oh, drains and doormats, now that's a lovely combination. I've put my glasses down somewhere — say the first bit again? And have you had your tea?
Hana Wiredu
Sorry, yes, I'll say it again. So the bundle is one drain and one doormat, sold together as a single arrangement. And no tea yet, sorry.
Bernard
One arrangement, I see. Well, I'm very interested, now what was it called again? And you must be rushed off your feet, no tea at all — I'd put the kettle on if you were here.
Hana Wiredu
It's the bundle, that's the name. And yes, I know they've nothing to do with each other, the drain and the mat, that's the obvious — sorry, that's the point people raise.
Bernard
Oh, the bundle, of course. Well, I'd have to think about it, but they might get on, mightn't they — the owl in the front room would have something to say about a mat.
Hana Wiredu
Sorry, an owl? Right. So would you say yes to the bundle then — the drain and the mat together? That's really all I need.
Bernard
Yes, well, I'm very interested, very interested indeed. Only I've left the boiler clicking away and I ought to go and look at it before it gets ideas. What was the name of your firm again?
Hana Wiredu
Hawea Domestic Ltd, sorry. Look, I'm not really getting this right today, so I'll give you a call back another day.
Bernard
That's a shame, I was very interested. Sorry to hear it — you mind how you go now.
Hana Wiredu
I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by confirming you have reached the person who handles drains and doormats.
- Explain the bundle: one drain, one doormat, sold as a single arrangement.
- Address the obvious point that the two have nothing to do with each other.
- Ask for the yes on the bundle, drain and doormat together.
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