Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #295 · 2026-10-28

Sandra Rangi
of Ottley Hedgework Services

a replacement for a clothesline that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
6%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 295: Sandra Rangi of Ottley Hedgework Services, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller self-disconnected

“Caller disclosed he has never sold one of these; Bernard wished him a safe drive home and the line went dead.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Sandra Rangi Good afternoon, Sandra Rangi here from Ottley Hedgework Services, your local trade. I'm ringing about your clothesline, which we'd like to replace even though it's working perfectly well.
Bernard Oh, the clothesline, yes. You've caught me in the middle of something — I was just out at the water butt, the green lid's gone stiff on me. But carry on, love, what's this about the line then?
Sandra Rangi That's the lid sort of detail we don't cover, Bernard. Per policy fourteen, section B, I have to make clear we replace lines that are in full working order, and that's exactly what we'd be doing here.
Bernard Full working order, that's the thing, mine's not done anything wrong. Though I suppose you'd know about wear I can't see — I'm a bit deaf in one ear and my eyes aren't what they were. What's section B when it's at home?
Sandra Rangi Your line isn't broken, no, and I'm not saying it is, but there's hidden wear, and that's the bit you can't check yourself. So, have I got your permission to put the visit in the diary?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it — it's a big step, a diary. Would the new one come in a colour that doesn't frighten the bird? She's very particular, the bird.
Sandra Rangi Colour isn't mine to promise, but per policy twenty-two, all works are booked ahead — so, shall I get the visit pencilled in? It's just the go-ahead I need.
Bernard Twenty-two, right you are. Is that pencils or something else entirely? I'd best find my glasses, they've gone walkabout again — don't go anywhere, this is the best chat I've had all day.
Sandra Rangi Right, listen, Bernard — I've been on this line half the afternoon and I've a laminated sheet I'll never get through tonight, and honestly I don't know that I've ever sold one of these. It's Sandra. Ottley Hedgework. Good—
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, love, and I really was very interested. You look after yourself now, and mind the traffic on the way home.
Sandra Rangi Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and Ottley Hedgework Services as a local trade.
  2. Explain you replace clotheslines that are working perfectly well.
  3. Acknowledge their line isn't broken, then note wear you can't see.
  4. Ask for the go-ahead to book the replacement visit.

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