Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #294 · 2026-10-28

Pauline Jankowski
of Sanderby Hatch Holdings

a membership with no cover and no discounts · membership

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
6%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 294: Pauline Jankowski of Sanderby Hatch Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard asked whether the membership comes in green, for the bird; caller clarified there is nothing to come in any colour.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Pauline Jankowski Bernard, Pauline Jankowski, Sanderby Hatch Holdings. I'm ringing because your name came up for something rather good.
Bernard Sanderby Hatch, you say? That's a nice sort of name, that. I don't get many calls, so take your time, I've got all afternoon. Now, is that a place or a firm or what?
Pauline Jankowski Sanderby Hatch Holdings, Bernard. The membership gives you nothing at all — no cover, no discounts — just prestige, which is rather the point.
Bernard Nothing at all, you say. Well, that's honest, and you don't get much of that. Does it come in green, by any chance? Only I've got a bird in here who's very particular about colours.
Pauline Jankowski Green's a lovely thought, Bernard, but it doesn't come in green or anything else — there's nothing to come. Usefulness isn't really the question here; the points is who's on the list.
Bernard Oh, the list. Well, now, I did once get on a list — the parish one, for the newsletter, but they spelled my name with two bottles. Does yours need feeding, this list? Only I'm not sure I'd remember.
Pauline Jankowski No feeding, Bernard, nothing at all — you simply say yes and I put you on it. Shall I enroll you then, and while I'm here, the renewal comes round yearly so you'll not be caught out.
Bernard Yearly, you say. Well, I'd have to think about it — but tell me, does it need anything doing to it in the autumn? I've the loft insulation to see to and a mouse up there with ideas above his station.
Pauline Jankowski Bernard, I'll be honest with you — I've lost my place, it's not ab— the loft, the mouse, none of it matters, because there's nothing to do to it. Not in the autumn, not ever, there's just nothing there.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, Pauline, I really am. I was very interested, mind. You get yourself home now and mind the traffic.
Pauline Jankowski Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by stating you represent Sanderby Hatch Holdings, a name worth hearing.
  2. Explain the membership confers nothing: no cover, no discounts, only prestige.
  3. Address the obvious objection: usefulness is not what membership means here.
  4. Ask for the yes: enroll, and mention renewal yourself before they ask.

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