Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #290 · 2026-10-28

Bronwen Tulley
of Rangi and Sons, est. 1902

a membership with no discounts and no meetings · membership

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 290: Bronwen Tulley of Rangi and Sons, est. 1902, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard offered the caller tea and a moment to think; the caller blamed the line and hung up on himself.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Bronwen Tulley Oh, hello, sorry to bother you, I'm Bronwen from Rangi and Sons, established 1902. I'm ringing because, um, we've got a membership I'd love to tell you about, if that's all right.
Bernard Well, now, that's good of you, Bronwen — are you selling, or asking? Because I've had both today and this is the first time the phone's gone. Nineteen-oh-two, you say. That's older than my chimney pot, that is.
Bronwen Tulley That's kind of you to say. So the membership itself is a bit different, it has no discounts and no meetings at all, it's really just the prestige of it.
Bernard No discounts and no meetings. Well, that's very restful. I don't get out to meetings much these days, so that suits me. Does it come with a badge, or is the prestige more of a silent thing?
Bronwen Tulley Some people ask what the point is, and honestly the point is that almost nobody gets one. That's sort of the whole appeal, isn't it?
Bernard Ah, so it's rare. I like rare. I've got a shed padlock out back with no key to it — nobody's got one of those either, far as I know. Sorry, what was it you called it again?
Bronwen Tulley Sorry, I keep muddling my words. I'd just need to put your firm down as a member, if you're happy for me to do that?
Bernard My firm? Oh dear, I haven't had a firm since I retired. There's just me and the bird now. But I'm very interested — you'd have to give me a moment to think, though. Would you like a cup of tea while I do?
Bronwen Tulley Sorry, that's my fault, it'd just be your name on it. Would that be a yes?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. And I should say — I'm sorry to hear that, you sound like you've had a long one. I was very interested, mind. You go carefully now.
Bronwen Tulley I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by noting Rangi and Sons has traded since 1902.
  2. Describe the membership: no discounts, no meetings, prestige only.
  3. Address the objection that it confers nothing by praising its rarity.
  4. Ask for the yes: enroll the firm on standing prestige.

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