Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #276 · 2026-10-28

Nigel Tulley
of Sandiford Draincare Ltd

a bundle of the stair carpet and a bag of gravel · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 276: Nigel Tulley of Sandiford Draincare Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, gravel self-sufficient, caller withdrew

“Bernard asked whether the gravel needed feeding; Nigel blamed the line and hung up on a man who had offered him toast.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Nigel Tulley Nigel Tulley here, Sandiford Draincare Ltd. I'm through to the decision-maker about the stair carpet, and this is the call that sorts it out.
Bernard Have you had your lunch? Only I've just done a bit of toast and there's plenty more where that came from.
Nigel Tulley Very decent of you, Bernard, but I don't lunch on the job. Here's the thing — the bundle is the stair carpet supplied together with a bag of gravel, one price, done.
Bernard Gravel, you say. Now, does the gravel need feeding, or does it fend for itself? I've never kept any.
Nigel Tulley It's gravel, Bernard, not livestock — it fends for itself admirably. And that's the point, it's one arrangement, not two purchases, everything in one bundle.
Bernard Oh, one arrangement, that's sensible. My garden gate sticks something dreadful in the wet, so gravel might do it a bit of good.
Nigel Tulley Your gate would thank you, Bernard. So let's have the yes on the bundle — carpet and gravel together.
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. Do I take it the gravel goes upstairs with the carpet, or does it stop at the bottom?
Nigel Tulley It goes wherever you decide, Bernard — that's the beauty of it being one bundle. I'll be quick: it's a yes on carpet and gravel together, isn't it.
Bernard You're very good to me. Now, before I say yes to anything, would you like a cup of something while I hunt out my glasses?
Nigel Tulley I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you are through to the decision-maker about their stair carpet.
  2. Explain the bundle: stair carpet supplied together with a bag of gravel.
  3. Address why gravel comes with carpet: it is one arrangement, not two purchases.
  4. Ask for the yes on the bundle, carpet and gravel together.

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