Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #274 · 2026-10-28

Brian Finch
of Ottringham Moor Dwelling Bureau

a replacement for the phone line that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
18%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 274: Brian Finch of Ottringham Moor Dwelling Bureau, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller exited via dead line

“Bernard offered the caller a cup of something; the caller reported losing a signal he had himself hung up on.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Brian Finch Brian Finch, Ottringham Moor Dwelling Bureau. I'm ringing about your phone line, which is working, and about replacing it.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you to ring. I was just thinking about something else entirely, you see. Now, the line's working, is it? Well, I'd have to think about that. What was the name again — Ottringham Moor? That's near where my cousin lives, I think.
Brian Finch That's the one. And the point of the Bureau's replacement line is simple — we take away the line that's functioning perfectly well and put a brand new one in its place.
Bernard Oh, I see. Take away the working one and put a fresh one in. Now, would it come in green, do you think? Only I've got a wasp sort of settled in the kitchen window and colours matter to me more than they should.
Brian Finch Sorry, where was I. The thing is, a line that's never been swapped out is a line we can't vouch for — that's just how we do it.
Bernard Well, that's fair enough, I suppose. Though I'd have to think about it. Do you want me to go and look at the phone, or is it all right sitting there as it is? I don't want to disturb it.
Brian Finch It's fine sitting there. So if I could just get a yes from you, I'll put you down for the replacement and we can all move on with our day.
Bernard Oh, well, now. A yes — that's a big word for a Monday. Let me just... hold on, my glasses are somewhere. Are you sure you don't fancy a cup of something while I look? It's no trouble.
Brian Finch Tell you what, I'm going to stop here. Have a good Monday, Bernard.
Bernard Oh, that's a shame, I was very interested, truly. Sorry to hear it — you take care of yourself now.
Brian Finch Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the householder about the working phone line.
  2. Explain the Bureau's replacement line for lines that are not broken.
  3. Address the objection that the current line works fine by citing Bureau standards.
  4. Ask for the yes to schedule the replacement of the unbroken line.

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