Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #273 · 2026-10-28

Jean Wiredu
of Ottringham Moor Glazing Group

an annual inspection of a chimney you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 273: Jean Wiredu of Ottringham Moor Glazing Group, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller withdrew under own steam

“Caller lost his place in the list and named the washing line as the reason; Bernard thanked him for the interest and wished him a safe drive home, which is not a thing that was on offer.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Jean Wiredu Hello, sorry to bother you. It's Jean Wiredu from Ottringham Moor Glazing Group. I'm ringing about the annual chimney inspection file we hold for your property.
Bernard Well, hello there. I was just out at the washing line, one peg's gone and the whole thing sags, but never mind that. A chimney file, you say? I don't think I've got a chimney at all, but it's very good of you to ring.
Jean Wiredu That's ever so kind of you to say, thank you. So the annual inspection just covers the chimney on the property — the one you've never lit, or actually located. Is that alright?
Bernard Oh, I'm very interested, I am, now what was it again? Never lit and never found, that's the one. Does it come in green at all? Only the fence panel out back is green and the dog leans on it something dreadful.
Jean Wiredu Sorry, I'm not explaining this well. Not having lit it or found it doesn't let us waive the inspection, that's the bit people always query, and I do understand. So it's really a case of us going ahead regardless.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, going ahead regardless. I'd have to think about it, mind. My left ear's not what it was, so say that word again, the waive one. Is it a wave, like at the seaside?
Jean Wiredu Oh no, sorry, that's my fault, I shouldn't have used… could I just ask, would you be happy to approve this year's inspection appointment now? I'm still quite new at this.
Bernard New at it, are you? Well, you're doing grand. I'll say yes in a moment, only I've got to mind the back step, it's lower than it looks and I don't want a tumble. What day did you say the wave was?
Jean Wiredu I don't think I ever said a day, sorry. And… honestly, I've lost where I was in the list. I'm going to let you get back to the washing line.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, I really am, and I was very interested. You mind the traffic getting home, Jean, and take care now.
Jean Wiredu Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you hold the annual chimney inspection file for their property.
  2. Explain the inspection covers a chimney they have never lit or located.
  3. Address the objection: no chimney use and no chimney found does not waive inspection.
  4. Ask them to approve this year's inspection appointment now.

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