Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #262 · 2026-10-27

Bronwen Quist
of Lomax Brothers, est. 1924

a quarterly gutter clearance that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
46%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 262: Bronwen Quist of Lomax Brothers, est. 1924, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller blamed the line

“Bernard asked to think on it a day or two; caller escalated to the floor, then to the telephone exchange, and left.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Bronwen Quist Hello, Bronwen Quist here from Lomax Brothers, established 1924. We're ringing because the whole team wanted to introduce ourselves properly.
Bernard Oh, well, that's very good of you. I had the wireless on and I've lost the thread of it, so you've caught me at a good moment. Nineteen twenty-four, you say? That's older than the chimney pot the birds nest in, that is.
Bronwen Quist Quite all right, Bernard — we do understand. The quarterly gutter clearance just arrives as a courtesy, unbooked, so there's nothing at all for you to arrange.
Bernard Unbooked, you say. Now that's a new one on me, a bit like the window cleaner who just turns up. And it's a quarterly thing, is it — four times a year?
Bronwen Quist That's the one, four times a year, and to be clear nobody ever has to ask — that's rather the point of a firm that's been at this since the year we were founded.
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about that. Nobody asks, you say. It reminds me of my auntie — she never asked for visitors either and she got them all the same. Now what was the firm's year again?
Bronwen Quist Nineteen twenty-four, that's the one — and I was made team leader on Monday, so the floor's right behind this. Shall we put the next courtesy visit in the diary as it stands?
Bernard Team leader on Monday, well done you — that's a lot to take on in a week. Listen, the clock in my hall is four minutes fast, so whatever you put in the diary, I'll be early for it. Can I think on the visit a day or two?
Bronwen Quist Of course you can think on it — we'd never rush anyone, and if it helps I can escalate it to the floor for a second opinion.
Bernard That's very good of you, honestly. I'm very interested, I really am, but I shan't say yes today if you don't mind.
Bronwen Quist I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by noting Lomax Brothers have looked after this street since 1924.
  2. Explain the quarterly gutter clearance arrives as a courtesy, unbooked.
  3. Answer the objection that nobody requested it by citing the founding year.
  4. Ask for the yes to keep the next courtesy visit on schedule.

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