Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #258 · 2026-10-27

Declan Meek
of Yelland, Mowbray and Pinnock Driveway Sealing Partnership

a replacement for a window catch that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 258: Declan Meek of Yelland, Mowbray and Pinnock Driveway Sealing Partnership, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Caller offered a replacement for a catch that works; Bernard offered him lunch, a green one, and then his afternoon back.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Declan Meek Hello there, Declan Meek here from Yelland, Mowbray and Pinnock Driveway Sealing Partnership — brilliant, am I through to the householder? I'm ringing about a window catch.
Bernard Oh, hello there. Yes, that's me, you've got the householder. Now, have you had your lunch?
Declan Meek Ha, lunch, lovely — no, straight through. What I'm offering is a replacement window catch, fitted by the partnership, and it's great news for a house like yours.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. A window catch, you say — does it come in green at all? Only I've got a wasp in the kitchen window and I'm letting him be.
Declan Meek Noted on the colour. Now I know your thought — mine's fine, why bother? That's the point: it's an upgrade, not a repair.
Bernard Oh, I see, an upgrade. Well, I'd have to think about it. Do you want to hold on while I go and look at the window?
Declan Meek No rush at all. So — could we book you in for a fitting this week, a day that suits?
Bernard This week, oh now. Let me see — I've got a thing on the Tuesday, or is it the Thursday? No, it's the Wednesday. What day were you thinking?
Declan Meek Brilliant, a day's a day. Put you down for Wednesday then — can I say Wednesday's yours?
Bernard Sorry, I've quite lost my thread. I was very interested, mind — you've been most kind, and I'm sorry to hear it's all gone wrong at your end. You get yourself off home now.
Declan Meek Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you're through to the householder, keep it brisk and named.
  2. Explain you're offering a replacement window catch, fitted by the partnership.
  3. Address the obvious objection: theirs isn't broken, so stress the upgrade not the repair.
  4. Ask directly for the yes on a fitting date this week.

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