Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #256 · 2026-10-27

Rodney Pettigrew
of The Association of Registered Loft Hatch Inspectors

a bundle of a back step and a tin of paint · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 256: Rodney Pettigrew of The Association of Registered Loft Hatch Inspectors, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no agreement, caller handed off to colleague

“Bernard asked whether the paint would aggravate the smell of the coats; caller conceded he had lost his place on the sheet.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Rodney Pettigrew Hello there, this is Rodney Pettigrew calling from The Association of Registered Loft Hatch Inspectors — it's the twenty-second, so that's the correct date for the quarterly confirmation. Am I speaking with the property's registered loft hatch contact?
Bernard Well, I don't get many calls, so take your time. Yes, I suppose that'd be me — though I'd have to check whether it's the twenty-second or the twenty-third. My sister does the calendar, or is it my brother? Anyway, what was it about the hatch?
Rodney Pettigrew That's fine, sir, we can confirm the date later. The arrangement is one back step plus one tin of paint — that's the bundle, item by item on my sheet.
Bernard A back step and a tin of paint. Oh, now. Would the paint be all right in the spare room, do you think? The coats in that wardrobe have a certain smell and I'd hate to add to it.
Rodney Pettigrew I couldn't speak to the coats, sir, but under policy forty-two-b there's no need for separate approval — the step and the paint are assessed as one bundle, which is the whole point. Shall I put you down for the combined step-and-paint?
Bernard I see, I see — one bundle, assessed together, that's clever. Mind you, the step on its own would just sit there, wouldn't it. So what happens after the twenty-third?
Rodney Pettigrew I'll be honest, sir, I've rather lost my place on the sheet here. But the question I need to ask is just to confirm — the combined step-and-paint bundle, yes or no?
Bernard Oh, well, now, I'd have to think about it — that's very good of you to ask. You sound like you've had a long day. Have you come far?
Rodney Pettigrew I have got a bit turned around, I'll admit. Look, I think a colleague is going to have to deal with this one instead — I'll leave it with them and end the call here.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, I really am — I was very interested, you know. You mind how you go, and don't let the traffic get you.
Rodney Pettigrew I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming they are the property's registered loft hatch contact.
  2. Describe the arrangement: one back step plus one tin of paint.
  3. Head off the objection that these are unrelated items needing separate approval.
  4. Ask for the yes on the combined step-and-paint bundle.

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