Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #255 · 2026-10-27

Wei Faleolo
of Vandeleur Threshold Ltd

an annual inspection of the meter cupboard you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 255: Wei Faleolo of Vandeleur Threshold Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no cupboard, caller blamed the line

“Bernard offered tea and a broken peg; the caller blamed the line and hung up on his own script.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Wei Faleolo Wei Faleolo, Vandeleur Threshold Ltd. Ringing about your annual meter cupboard inspection, because apparently that's a thing I do now.
Bernard Is that the front door or the back door you're at? Only the gate sticks in wet weather, so if you've come round the side you'll want a firm push.
Wei Faleolo I'm not at any door, Mr Pottle, this is a phone call. The annual inspection covers the cupboard nobody's ever opened, which in your case sounds like it's going well.
Bernard Oh, a phone call, is it. Well, I've never opened that cupboard in my life, so an inspection of it should be a quick job for you. Now, what was the name of your firm again?
Wei Faleolo Vandeleur Threshold Ltd. And look, the standard worry is not being able to find the cupboard at all, which is more common than you'd think, so I'm told.
Bernard Well that's a relief, because I couldn't tell you where it is if you paid me. I've a feeling it's near the hall, or possibly it isn't. Do you do tea while you're looking?
Wei Faleolo We'd book the inspection for wherever you last remember the cupboard being. So the hall, then, possibly?
Bernard That's very good of you. Book it for wherever I last remember it, though my memory's like a sieve and I may have that wrong. Will it be green, this inspection?
Wei Faleolo That's not something I can answer. Can I put you down as a yes for the inspection, at whatever spot your memory offers?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, but yes, I'm very interested. Oh, mind, is that the time, I've left the washing out and there's the broken peg. You go carefully now.
Wei Faleolo I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the property's meter cupboard owner.
  2. Explain the annual inspection covers a cupboard never opened or used.
  3. Address the objection that they cannot find the cupboard at all.
  4. Ask for the yes: book the inspection for the cupboard's last known location.

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