Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #251 · 2026-10-27

Aoife Rossiter
of Sanderby Hatch Group Holdings

an upgrade to a garden gate you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
11%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 251: Aoife Rossiter of Sanderby Hatch Group Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard asked whether the upgrade would need much doing to it or would just sort of happen; the caller said it just sort of happens, and it did not.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Aoife Rossiter Aoife Rossiter, Sanderby Hatch Group Holdings. I'm calling about your garden gate.
Bernard Oh, the garden gate. Well, that's a relief, I thought you were the one about the gutters. No, no, go on — the gate. I've got one out the back, unless it's the front one you mean.
Aoife Rossiter Right, the back one then. The thing is, that gate's due an upgrade you never asked for — no fault of yours, nothing was missed, that's just the system.
Bernard An upgrade, you say. Well, that's very good of you. Nobody's ever offered me one of those before. Does it need much doing to it, or does it just sort of happen on its own?
Aoife Rossiter It just sort of happens, that's the beauty of it. So no action from you at all — I'll be quick, can I just put you down as confirming it's fine to book in?
Bernard Well, I'd have to have a think about it. Now, would I need to be in for that, or would they want to come round the side? Only the side path is a bit tight.
Aoife Rossiter They'd come round the side, tight path is fine. So that's a yes on booking it in, then?
Bernard Oh, you're very patient with me. Hold on, my glasses have gone wandering again — no, that's the ironing board. Sorry, what was it you wanted me to say yes to?
Aoife Rossiter Booking it in. Just a yes and I'm gone.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, you've been ever so good. I was very interested, really I was. You mind the traffic on the way back, now.
Aoife Rossiter Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and say you're calling about their garden gate.
  2. Explain the gate they own is due an upgrade they never requested.
  3. Reassure them no action is needed and nothing was missed.
  4. Ask them to confirm the upgrade can be booked in.

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