Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #250 · 2026-10-27

Fiona Pendry
of Odgers, Rossiter and Bramble Hedgework Partnership

a bundle of a gatepost and a bird feeder · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 250: Fiona Pendry of Odgers, Rossiter and Bramble Hedgework Partnership, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard asked whether the post and feeder had to match or could lead separate lives; caller confirmed they could, then ended the call himself.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Fiona Pendry Hello, sorry to bother you — Fiona Pendry, Odgers, Rossiter and Bramble Hedgework Partnership. It's about our gatepost and bird feeder bundle.
Bernard Oh, hello there. Are you selling, or asking? Only I like to know which it is before I settle in.
Fiona Pendry Selling, I'm afraid — sorry. It's the bundle, you see: one gatepost and one bird feeder, bought together as a single thing.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. One of each — do they have to match, or can they lead separate lives? I've never had a post and a feeder at the same time.
Fiona Pendry They don't have to match, no — the firm does hedgework, so a post and a feeder sit together quite naturally in that line. Sorry, that's the script's reasoning, not mine.
Bernard Hedgework, right you are. We've a fence panel out front the dog leans on, so I'm well up on fences. Is the post tall enough that a cat couldn't sit on it?
Fiona Pendry I honestly don't know the, um, cat height — sorry. If I could just get a yes on the bundle, and roughly how many you'd want?
Bernard Oh, I'd have to think about a number. Put me down for a tentative one while I find my glasses — no, wait, that's my library card. What was the count again?
Fiona Pendry One would be fine, tentatively. So that's a yes on the bundle — is that a proper yes, do you think?
Bernard A proper yes is a big thing to give down a telephone. I'm very interested, mind — extraordinarily interested — but I'd want to sleep on it.
Fiona Pendry I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the decision-maker for the gatepost and feeder bundle.
  2. Explain the arrangement pairs one gatepost with one bird feeder as a single purchase.
  3. Address the objection that the post and feeder serve unrelated purposes by citing the firm's hedgework.
  4. Ask for the yes on the bundle and settle the order quantity.

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