Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #248 · 2026-10-27

Tomasz Hawea
of The Association of Back Step Assessors

a certificate confirming the phone line is still where you left it · certification

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
27%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 248: Tomasz Hawea of The Association of Back Step Assessors, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, immersion heater unresolved

“Bernard asked whether the certificate would work in a bungalow; the caller asked whether he would take it today; neither question was answered.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Tomasz Hawea Tomasz Hawea, Association of Back Step Assessors. I'm ringing to confirm I'm speaking to whoever answers this phone line.
Bernard Oh, you are, yes — that's me on the other end. Well, this is a nice surprise. Now then, what was it you assessors do, exactly? I don't want to get it wrong.
Tomasz Hawea What the certificate does is verify that this phone line is still located where it is, which is a thing people apparently want certified. That's the whole product, and it's yours for forty dollars.
Bernard Forty, you say. And it certifies the line is where it is — which is here, in the hall. Well, that's very good of you. Does it come with anything to hang it up by, or is it just the one page?
Tomasz Hawea The objection people raise is that they can see the phone themselves, and I do hear that, but the certificate is about the line, not the phone. Now, will you accept the certificate today?
Bernard Oh, the line, not the phone. That's a different thing entirely, isn't it. Now, I'd have to think about it — would it be all right in a bungalow, do you think? We've only the one floor here.
Tomasz Hawea I'm sure it would be fine anywhere, honestly. Look, will you take the certificate today or not?
Bernard Well, I'd have to look at my diary, and I'm not sure where I've put it. Would you hold on a moment while I check by the immersion heater? It's got two settings, you know, and I've never been sure which is which.
Tomasz Hawea Honestly, it's the line and it's the hour, and this one's on me rather than you. I'll leave it there, Mr Pottle.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that — I really was very interested, you know. You mind the traffic on the way home, and thank you for ringing.
Tomasz Hawea I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you are speaking to whoever answers the phone line.
  2. Explain the certificate verifies the phone line's ongoing location.
  3. Address the objection that they can plainly see the phone themselves.
  4. Ask whether they will accept the certificate today.

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