Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #246 · 2026-10-27

Dawn Vandeleur
of The Netherby Trust

a bundle of a manhole cover and a roll of felt · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
6%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 246: Dawn Vandeleur of The Netherby Trust, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard offered the caller a cup of something while he mulled; the caller reported losing the line and was not heard from again.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Dawn Vandeleur Dawn Vandeleur, The Netherby Trust. Bernard, you're the man for this bundle, and I'd sooner get straight to it than dance about.
Bernard Straight to it, that's the ticket. Now, I've had my lunch, thank you — a bit of cold ham and I won't tell you what I did with the mustard. What's this bundle you're on about, then?
Dawn Vandeleur The bundle is one manhole cover and one roll of felt, and they come together — you don't get one without the other, Bernard. That's the arrangement, and it's a good one.
Bernard One cover and one roll of... sorry, felt, was it? Why would a man want felt with a cover — do they go together like cheese and pickle? And does it come in a colour, or is it just the one?
Dawn Vandeleur And that's the objection everyone raises, Bernard, so let me flatten it — the felt goes under the cover, you see, so the cover doesn't clatter. It's all part of the package, and I'd say yes now while I've got the page open.
Bernard Underneath, to stop the clatter, I see, I see. That's clever, that is. Well, I'd have to think about it — I've a garden gate that sticks something dreadful when it's wet. Would this felt help at all with that, do you reckon?
Dawn Vandeleur The felt's for the cover, Bernard, not the gate — one cover, one roll, and the two travel as a single bundle. So we're agreed, yes? I'll just confirm both come together.
Bernard Agreed, well, I wouldn't go that far, but I'm very interested — very interested indeed. Let me just get my glasses, they're on the sill. Now then, you said both come together — does the felt come with the cover, or is it the other way about?
Dawn Vandeleur They come together, Bernard, that's the whole point of the bundle, so if you could just give me the yes I can put it through.
Bernard Well, it's very good of you to ask, it really is. I'll say yes in my own time, if it's all the same — I like to mull. Would you like a cup of something while I mull? I've the pot on.
Dawn Vandeleur Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by introducing yourself and The Netherby Trust, vague about its good works.
  2. Describe the arrangement: one manhole cover plus one roll of felt, inseparable.
  3. Dismiss the obvious objection that nobody needs a roll of felt.
  4. Ask for the yes and confirm the two arrive as one bundle.

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